Some people find it quite hard to raise their voice in certain situations like when they want to ask for a promotion or a simple thing that will make a positive change in their lives. The skill known for this is called assertiveness and it is known as a core communication skill. When this skill is developed in people they can express themselves more effectively. Being assertive will also help to enhance self-esteem and when people are highly assertive, other people will respect them even more. Being assertive will help in reducing stress because people are having a hard time saying no to other people which might create a lot of stress in them.

What is assertiveness?

Assertiveness is a communication and behavioral style characterized by the ability to express one's thoughts, feelings, needs, and desires confidently and respectfully. It involves standing up for oneself, setting boundaries, and advocating for one's rights, all while considering the rights and feelings of others. Assertive individuals can assert their opinions and needs without resorting to aggression or passive behavior. They communicate openly and directly, assert their opinions, and handle conflicts constructively. Essentially, assertiveness is about finding a balance between being passive and aggressive, allowing individuals to navigate social interactions with confidence and respect.

Benefits of being more assertive

The way a person expresses themselves professionally and personally is very important. It's generally accepted that an assertive communication approach is healthy. Being assertive has several benefits.

• Increase in self-confidence: When a person starts to take a stand for themselves, it increases their self-confidence. When people start to get comfortable with other people with whom they live and meet frequently, their feeling of self-worth will grow. 

• Makes people a great leader: To properly manage people and operate an organization, business executives must be direct, and capable of assigning responsibilities. Being assertive in the workplace can help you advance quickly to a leadership position.

• It makes people less stressed: Stress will be brought on by unresolved problems that you're hesitant to confront. The longer you avoid confronting your concerns, the more damaging it may be to your emotional and physical health. Managing issues when they come up gives you more mental space to complete other things in your life.

10 Tips to be more assertive in daily life

Assertiveness is a skill that is learned. Here are some tips that make you more assertive.

1. Believing in yourself: You may be unable to express what you want to others if you have low self-esteem. You'll find it simpler to express your needs when you start to truly believe in your worth. Being dishonest with yourself and other people might be delayed when you worry about what other people might think of you. A clear hint of self-respect is assertiveness.

2. Practice Self-Awareness: Start by tuning into your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations. Pay attention to situations where you feel uncomfortable or resentful, as these may be indicators that your boundaries are being crossed. By becoming more self-aware, you can identify areas where assertiveness is needed.

3. Set Clear Boundaries: Establishing clear and healthy boundaries is essential for maintaining healthy relationships and preserving your well-being. Communicate your limits and expectations to others, and don't be afraid to enforce them when necessary. Remember that it's okay to say no to requests that conflict with your boundaries.

4. Start from small: Start small if you're struggling to discover your sense of assertiveness. After you get your car back from the shop, you can still hear some shaking, but you're scared to doubt your mechanic's work. But truly that does not work and saying something to the mechanic will fix the issue. You should start putting yourself first in your everyday routines.

5. Use "I" Statements: When expressing yourself, frame your statements using "I" instead of "you." For example, instead of saying, "You never listen to me," try saying, "I feel unheard when I'm interrupted." This approach takes ownership of your feelings and avoids placing blame on others.

6. Be Firm but Polite: Assertiveness is about striking a balance between assertiveness and empathy. Be firm in expressing your needs and standing your ground, but do so in a respectful and considerate manner. Avoid aggression or hostility, as this can escalate conflicts and damage relationships.

7. Use Positive Body Language: Nonverbal cues can convey confidence and assertiveness. Stand or sit up straight, make eye contact, and use open gestures to convey sincerity and assurance. Pay attention to your tone of voice, speaking clearly and calmly to convey your message effectively.

8. Practice Active Listening: Assertiveness involves not only expressing yourself but also listening attentively to others. Practice active listening by giving your full attention, maintaining eye contact, and summarizing what the other person has said to ensure understanding. This demonstrates respect and fosters mutual communication.

9. Build Self-Confidence: Cultivating self-confidence is key to being assertive in daily life. Focus on your strengths and accomplishments, and challenge negative self-talk or self-doubt. Set achievable goals and celebrate your progress, building a foundation of self-assurance that empowers you to assert yourself confidently.

10. Seek Support and Practice: Finally, don't hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or an online therapist as you work on being more assertive. Role-play challenging situations, practice assertive responses, and celebrate your successes along the way. Remember that assertiveness is a skill that improves with practice and persistence.

Remember that it takes time and practice to become an assertive person. It's impossible that you'll become more assertive suddenly if you've spent years isolating yourself. Alternatively, you might need to acquire some anger management skills if the anger makes you act excessively aggressively.  If you find yourself struggling to assert yourself confidently, remember that you're not alone. Seeking online counselling or therapy can provide a safe and supportive environment to explore underlying issues, develop coping strategies, and practice assertiveness skills in a non-judgmental setting. Online Counsellors can offer personalized guidance and feedback to help you navigate challenges, build self-confidence, and cultivate healthier communication patterns. By investing in your emotional well-being and seeking professional support from the “best psychologist near me” when needed, you're taking proactive steps toward unlocking your full potential and working towards self-improvement.

Contribution: Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Clinical Psychologist, life coach & mentor TalktoAngel & Dr Sakshi Kochhar Psychologist