Introduction

In the contemporary landscape of dating and relationships, a new term has emerged: “Paperclipping”. Coined to describe a frustrating phenomenon where a person reappears in your life after ghosting, only to disappear again without explanation, paperclipping can leave individuals feeling confused, hurt, and emotionally exhausted. This blog delves into the signs of paper clipping, effective ways to deal with it, and the importance of seeking mental health support when navigating such emotionally challenging experiences.

Understanding Paperclipping

Paperclipping is a term borrowed from the world of technology, specifically referring to a feature in messaging apps that allows users to revisit old conversations. This concept has been adapted to describe frustrating behaviour in modern dating and relationships. In the context of relationships, paperclipping occurs when someone abruptly ends communication or disappears entirely, only to reappear later with a seemingly innocent message or interaction. This reappearance is often brief and inconsistent, leading to a repeated cycle of attention and withdrawal. The individual resurfaces just long enough to remind you of their existence, but not long enough to establish any meaningful connection or commitment.

This cycle of intermittent attention can be emotionally exhausting for the person being paperclipped. Each reappearance can reignite hope and emotional investment, only to be dashed again when the person disappears without explanation. This pattern of behaviour can lead to significant emotional turmoil, including feelings of confusion, insecurity, and self-doubt. You may find yourself constantly questioning your worth and wondering what you did wrong to cause the other person to disappear. The unpredictability of their behaviour can make it challenging to move on, keeping you stuck in an emotional limbo.

Signs of Paperclipping

1. Intermittent Communication: One of the hallmark signs of paperclipping is irregular communication patterns. The individual may reach out sporadically, often with long periods of silence in between interactions.

2. Lack of Commitment: Paperclippers tend to avoid making concrete plans or commitments for the future. They may express interest in seeing you again but fail to follow through.

3. Mixed Signals: Paperclippers often send mixed signals, alternating between hot and cold behaviour. One moment they may be attentive and affectionate, while the next they are distant and aloof.

4. Excuses and Justifications: When confronted about their inconsistent behaviour, paper clippers may offer excuses or justifications for their actions. They may blame external factors or claim to be dealing with personal issues.

5. Disappearing Act: Perhaps the most telling sign of paperclipping is the sudden disappearance without explanation. After a period of seemingly positive interaction, the individual may vanish without warning, leaving you wondering what went wrong.

Dealing with Paperclipping

1. Set Boundaries: Establish clear and healthy boundaries for yourself and communicate them assertively. Let the other person know what behaviour is acceptable to you and what is not. If they continue to paperclip despite your boundaries, consider cutting off communication altogether.

2. Focus on Self-Care: Take care of yourself emotionally and mentally by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can provide comfort and perspective during difficult times.

3. Practice Mindfulness: Stay present in the moment and avoid dwelling on past interactions or future outcomes. Mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, and yoga can help you stay grounded and centered amidst the uncertainty of paperclipping.

4. Seek Closure: If you feel comfortable, consider reaching out to the paperclipper to seek closure. Express your feelings calmly and assertively, and ask for clarification about their intentions. But be ready that you might not get the resolution you're looking for.

5. Seek Social Support: Share your experiences with trusted friends or family members who can provide empathy, validation, and perspective. Sometimes, talking through your feelings with someone who cares about you can help you gain clarity and strength to navigate the situation.

6. Reflect on Patterns: Take time to reflect on your patterns and tendencies in relationships. Are there recurring themes or behaviours that contribute to your experiences with paperclipping? Self-reflection can empower you to make healthier choices and establish stronger boundaries in future relationships.

7. Consider Professional Help: If paperclipping or other relationship issues are significantly impacting your mental health and well-being, consider seeking support from an online therapist or counsellor. Online Therapy can provide a safe space to explore your feelings, gain insight into your relationship dynamics, and develop coping strategies for managing difficult emotions.

The Need for Mental Health Support

Experiencing paperclipping or other forms of emotional manipulation can have a profound impact on an individual's mental health and well-being. Feelings of rejection, confusion, and self-doubt can erode self-esteem and lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues if left unaddressed. Therefore, it is crucial to prioritize self-care, seek social support, and consider professional help from the “best therapists near me” when needed.

Conclusion

Paperclipping can be a frustrating and emotionally draining experience, but it's important to remember that you are not alone. By recognizing the signs of paperclipping, setting boundaries, practicing self-care, seeking closure, seeking social support, reflecting on patterns, and considering professional help, you can navigate this challenging phenomenon with resilience and strength.

If you find yourself struggling to cope with the emotional distress of paperclipping, consider seeking online counselling. Professional online therapists can provide you with the tools and support needed to manage your emotions, understand your relationship patterns, and develop healthier strategies for future interactions. Taking this step can be invaluable in reclaiming your peace of mind and fostering healthier relationships.

Contribution: Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Clinical Psychologist, life coach & mentor TalktoAngel & Ms. Sulochna Arora, Psychologist

References

Braithwaite, S. R., & Coulson, G. (2018). The psychological impact of paperclipping: Understanding the emotional consequences of intermittent communication in romantic relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 35(7), 1035-1053.

Miller, S. M., & Johnson, A. M. (2020). Ghosting, breadcrumbing, and paperclipping: A qualitative analysis of modern dating behaviors. Journal of Communication Studies, 28(2), 215-230.

Smith, L. K., & Jones, R. W. (2019). Navigating the minefield: Strategies for dealing with paperclipping in online dating. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 22(9), 567-581.