Our emotional and psychological health is largely dependent on our relationships. While some relationships provide stability, happiness, and security, others bring uncertainty, emotional highs and lows, and distress. Ambivalent relationships are those in which individuals experience mixed emotions, feeling deeply connected yet simultaneously distant, loved yet frustrated, anxiety, and secure yet doubtful. These relationships may occur between romantic partners, family members, friends, or colleagues. Understanding the causes, signs, and potential therapeutic interventions for ambivalent relationships can help individuals develop healthier emotional connections and enhance their overall well-being.

Causes of Ambivalent Relationships

Several factors contribute to ambivalent relationships, often rooted in early experiences, attachment patterns, and unresolved psychological conflicts. Some common causes include:

• Inconsistent Emotional Support:- Ambivalent relationships often stem from inconsistent emotional support. One person may sometimes feel cherished but ignored or devalued by others. 
• Unresolved Past Trauma:- Childhood neglect, emotional abuse, or past toxic relationships can shape how individuals approach relationships. Those who have experienced emotional trauma may develop fear-based attachment patterns, leading to cycles of closeness and withdrawal.
• Fear of Abandonment and Intimacy:- Both the dread of emotional intimacy and the fear of abandonment are common in people with ambiguous attachment types. This creates a push-pull dynamic where they simultaneously crave closeness and fear being hurt (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016).
• Personality Differences and Mismatched Expectations:- Differences in emotional needs, communication styles, or expectations within a relationship can contribute to ambivalence. For example, one partner may seek a deep emotional connection, while the other prefers emotional distance (Bowlby, 1988).
• External Stressors and Life Circumstances:- Financial struggles, work-related stress, family obligations, or long-distance relationships can strain emotional bonds, leading to inconsistency in emotional investment and commitment.

Signs of Ambivalent Relationships

Recognizing the signs of ambivalent relationships can help individuals evaluate whether they need support or intervention. Some common indicators include:

• Emotional Highs and Lows:- One of the most recognizable signs of ambivalence is the fluctuation between affection and frustration. One moment, the relationship feels fulfilling, and the next, it feels distant and uncertain.
• Indecisiveness About the Relationship:- People in ambivalent relationships often struggle with making decisions about the future. They may frequently question their own or their partner’s commitment, leading to cycles of breaking up and reconciling.
• Mixed Signals and Inconsistent Behavior:- A partner may show deep affection one day and then withdraw emotionally the next, creating confusion and emotional instability.
• Fear of Expressing True Feelings:- Individuals in ambivalent relationships may hesitate to express their true feelings due to fear of rejection, criticism, or misunderstanding.
• Communication Barriers:- Frequent misunderstandings, difficulty in addressing emotional needs, and a tendency to avoid difficult conversations can contribute to relationship instability.

Therapy and Counseling for Ambivalent Relationships

Professional counseling and therapy can help individuals navigate the emotional complexities of ambivalent relationships. Some effective therapeutic approaches include:

• Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT):- CBT helps people in recognising and changing harmful cognitive processes which cause emotional ambivalence. By addressing fears and insecurities, individuals can develop healthier coping strategies and improve emotional stability (Beck, 2011).
• Attachment-Based Therapy:- Understanding early attachment styles and how they affect relationships in adulthood is the main goal of this therapy. It helps individuals develop healthier relational patterns and increase emotional security (Johnson, 2019).
• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT):- The goal of EFT is to help individuals or couples better identify and communicate their emotional needs. By addressing emotional distress, EFT fosters secure and meaningful connections (Greenberg & Johnson, 1988).
• Mindfulness and Self-Awareness Techniques:- People can become more conscious of their emotional triggers and reactions by engaging in mindfulness practices. Techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, and journaling can improve emotional regulation and relationship satisfaction (Kabat-Zinn, 2003).
• Relationship Counseling:- Relationship counseling provides a structured space to discuss concerns, clarify emotions, and develop healthier communication strategies. Online counseling platforms like TalktoAngel offer convenient and professional support for those struggling with ambivalent relationships.

Steps to Overcome Ambivalence in Relationships

For those dealing with ambivalence in their relationships, taking proactive steps can help create a more stable and fulfilling emotional bond.

• Self-Reflection – Identify personal fears, anger issues, triggers, and insecurities that may contribute to emotional ambivalence.
• Open Communication – Discuss concerns with the partner calmly and respectfully, ensuring that both perspectives are heard.
• Setting Boundaries – Establishing clear emotional boundaries can reduce misunderstandings and emotional distress.
• Seeking Professional Help – Therapy can provide guidance and practical tools for managing ambivalent emotions.
• Fostering Emotional Security – Engaging in activities that promote trust, appreciation, and stability within the relationship can help overcome ambivalence.

Conclusion

Ambivalent relationships can be emotionally challenging and draining, but understanding their causes, signs, and possible therapeutic interventions can empower individuals to foster healthier connections. Whether through CBT, attachment-based therapy, EFT, or mindfulness practices, counseling provides essential tools to navigate emotional instability and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships. If you or someone you know is struggling with an ambivalent relationship, seeking professional counseling can offer valuable guidance and emotional clarity.

Contributed By: Contributed by Dr. (Prof.) R. K. Suri, Clinical Psychologist and Life Coach, &  Ms. Sakshi Dhankhar, Counselling Psychologist.

References

• Beck, A. T. (2011). Cognitive therapy: Basics and beyond. Guilford Press.
• Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development. Basic Books.
• Johnson, S. M. (2019). Attachment theory in practice: Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) with individuals, couples, and families. Guilford Press.