Everybody seems to agree that opposites attract. All ages, all sexes, and even singles and couples in distress seem to agree with the old adage that opposites attract. Many scientific studies have examined whether people find opposites more attractive. Researchers have looked into what combination is more romantic: those who are alike, different, and opposite.

Scientific Research Findings

Social scientists have done over 240 studies since the 1950s to see if similarities in personality traits, attitudes, values, and other characteristics can lead to attraction. Robert Horton and Matthew Montoya, psychologists, analyzed the results from these studies together in what is known as a meta-analysis. The results showed a strong association between being related to and being interested or the same as another person. A second study was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. It surveyed 1,523 friends and couples and asked them about their values, attitudes, and personality traits. Researchers found that the people were 86 percent alike in all factors.

However, as far as human relationships are concerned, the notion that "opposites attract” seems to be a popular-culture myth that doesn't have any scientific basis. It's actually the couple's shared similarities that are more likely than long-term success and compatibility.

Personality pairings

A couple should have complementary traits, particularly those that are socially related like assertiveness and aggressiveness. A more introverted wife might be happy with an outgoing husband. Research suggests that complementary traits are more important than opposites. People gravitate to people who have similarities in some way.

This means that there is strong evidence that feathered birds flock together. The similarity is attractive to humans and is common across all cultures. The similarity is associated with an attraction so it makes sense that people in committed relationships are often similar in many ways. This is sometimes called assortative mating. However, this term is often used to describe how people with similar educational attainments, financial resources, and physical appearances tend to partner up. This doesn't mean that opposite can't attract. If you find that your relationship is in trouble due to differences in personality and attitude, seek Online Counselling from the best Online Marriage Counsellor and take Marriage Counselling to overcome these difficulties.

Your strengths will fill in the gaps

Many love stories involve people falling in love with partners who have characteristics they don't possess, such as a girl who falls for a boy. This makes them seem to complement each other. One spouse may be more outgoing and humorous than the other, while the other might be shyer and more serious. Both partners might see the other as ideal, with one partner's strengths outweighing the weaknesses of the other. It is easy to see this. One could even imagine that shy people's relatives would try to match them with outgoing people to help them out. It is not clear if people really seek out complementing partners, or if it's just a fantasy. It turns out that it is fiction. Research has not shown that different personality traits, interests, educations, political views, upbringings, religions, or other traits can lead to greater attraction.

Ideas to build a healthy relationship with your fundamentally different partner

• Know your values. While you don't need to agree with your partner on everything to have a healthy relationship it is helpful to at least agree on the "big" issues. The big topics include basic worldviews, money, and in-law relationships. These important topics will give partners a solid foundation on which to build their relationships. It is never too early to discuss values. It's better to have things discussed early than to spend time and energy in a relationship only for your values, goals, and interests to be diametrically opposed. If it seems difficult for you to express yourself or you seem to be confused about your value system, seek help from an Online Counsellor or Marriage Counsellor who will aid you in being more self-awareness and more responsive in your relationship.

• Choose your fights: Pay attention to your reaction when you notice your partner acting differently from you. Are you really going to get upset about this inaction or action? It doesn't have to be a big concern or issue. "Don't worry about the little things”. You can decide what compromises you're willing to make in your relationship, without having to suppress your true self.

• Acceptance is a virtue. Acceptance of our differences is a gift when they are seen as opportunities to grow and develop emotionally.

Strategies that will help you accept your partner as they are.

• Ask yourself if you are imagining your partner acting in a certain way. Also, be aware of when you assume they are trying to hurt you. Example: Does he disrespect me if he is late? Is this true? Is there anything else?

• Use humor: Humor can be a powerful tool to diffuse conflicts between partners who have different priorities. Although you may not agree with each other, it can be easier to laugh at the situation.

• Even if your way of thinking or doing things is different, you can see the benefits. These benefits can be written down in a journal for a practical exercise.

• Accept your own characteristics, both the positive and the negative. Sometimes our reactions to others are just projections of discomfort about our own characteristics that we see in them. It is easier to share that energy with our partners if we are more accepting of ourselves.

Conclusion

While most couples share a variety of similarities and differences in their personalities, they should be compatible if they are to have long-term success. However, being "polar opposites” in some things does not mean that a couple is doomed to fail. This is what happens when an introvert marries an extrovert. It could be that your partner is fundamentally different and you will have to make more effort to reach equanimity. While doing so, you can seek help from experts or professionals, and seek Marriage Counselling Online.

If we don't have the ability to connect scientific data with our daily lives, it doesn't matter what science says. What does this mean for us? It's not about what attracts us, but rather what will help us create the best futures. You are most likely on the right track if you find yourself drawn to people who share similar values and have like-minded thoughts.

Contribution by: Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Best Clinical Psychologist & Life Coach & Mr. Utkarsh Yadav, Counselling Psychologist