Trauma bonding is a psychological response where a person forms a strong emotional attachment to an abusive partner. This bond often develops due to cycles of abuse and intermittent positive reinforcement, such as affection or apologies from the abuser, which create confusion and emotional dependency. People who were the victims may form a strong connection with their abuser, making it harder to leave the relationship, even if it is harmful. This bond is reinforced through the highs and lows of the relationship, leading to a complex mix of fear, dependency, and love.

• Child abuse

• Incest circumstances

• Elder Abuse

• Exploitative Employment

• Kidnapping and hostage situations

• Human Trafficking

• High-control religious environments

Multiple factors affect a person's chances of developing trauma bonding. Low socioeconomic level, mental health difficulties, and a lack of support all enhance the likelihood that someone will become trapped in an abusive relationship. Good job opportunities, a safe place to live, mental health care, and friends/family all increase self-esteem, which can help lessen risk. Understanding trauma bonding is crucial for recognizing unhealthy relationship dynamics and seeking support.

Here are the early signs of trauma bonding explained in detail:

1. Intense Emotional Attachment:

Despite the abuse, you feel a strong connection to the person. This attachment can make the relationship feel unique and irreplaceable, leading to confusion about why you care so deeply for someone who hurts you.

2. Rationalizing Abuse:

You find yourself justifying or downplaying the abuser's behavior. You might think things like, "They had a rough day" or "It's not always like this," which can prevent you from seeing the reality of the situation.

3. Isolation:

Maybe the abuser will discourage or try to prevent you from building relations with friends or family or making new connections, which leads to isolation. This may make you more reliant on them for mental encouragement and validation.

4. Frequent Breakups and Reconciliation:

The relationship may go through cycles of breaking up and getting back together. After an argument, the abuser might say sorry or promise reform, giving hope and strengthening the link.

5. Emotional Dependency:

You may believe that you need the abuser in your life and that you cannot cope without them. This dependency is often fueled by the emotional highs and lows of the relationship.

6. Confusion and Self-Doubt:

You often question your perceptions and feelings, leading to uncertainty about the relationship. Your emotions could be manipulated by the abuser, leading you to question your experiences and become perplexed about reality.

7. Fear of Leaving:

You may feel trapped, fearing the consequences of leaving the relationship. This fear can stem from threats, financial dependence, or the belief that no one else will care for you as the abuser does.

Recognizing these signs is crucial in identifying unhealthy dynamics and seeking help or support.

How does trauma bonding begin?

When a healthy relationship first begins, it may appear highly passionate, emotional, and tight. It can be difficult to believe that your partner would do something wrong to you at first. Abuse occurs at some time, whether physical, mental, or emotional.

People who abuse frequently attempt to talk their way out of it by convincing their partner that they love them, that they will be better, and that it will never happen again. The other person may not understand, but they believe them because they want things to be better. This is how trauma bonds start. It becomes a cycle in which the abusive partner repeats the same behavior and then gives their partner false hope by assuring them they love them, only to allow it to happen again and again.

Breaking trauma bonds can be challenging, but here are some steps to help:

1. Acknowledge the Bond: Recognize and accept that the bond exists and that it's unhealthy.

2. Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family, or support groups who can offer encouragement and perspective.

3. Establish Boundaries: Limit or discontinue contact with the abuser to decrease their emotional effect on you.

4. Focus on Self-Care: Prioritize your physical and emotional well-being through activities that nurture you.

5. Educate Yourself: Learn about trauma bonding and abusive dynamics to understand your experiences better.

6. Therapy or Counseling:  Consider professional help to process your feelings and develop coping strategies.

7. Journaling: Write about your experiences and feelings to gain clarity and distance from the relationship.

8. Make a Safety Plan: Decide what to do in case the abuser tries to re-enter your life or if you feel tempted to go back.

9. Focus on Personal Goals: Redirect energy toward personal growth, hobbies, and achievements.

10. Be Patient: Healing takes time. Maintain compassion for yourself during the process.

These steps can help you regain control and move toward healthier relationships.

Conclusion

Experiencing trauma bonding after abuse is a natural response, and seeking help is crucial for healing. It's important not to feel ashamed; instead, acknowledge your courage in prioritizing your well-being. Consider reaching out to a psychologist, including options for online counseling through platforms like TalktoAngel, which provides accessible therapy services. You can connect with top psychologists in India who specialize in trauma recovery. Therapies such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) can be effective in processing trauma and rebuilding your sense of safety and self-worth. Be compassionate with yourself as you navigate this journey toward safety and emotional recovery.

Contributed by: Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Clinical Psychologist & Life Coach &  Ms. Swati Yadav, Counselling Psychologist

References:

https://www.talktoangel.com/blog/trauma-and-stressor-related-disorders

https://www.talktoangel.com/blog/acute-stress-disorder-asd-counselling

https://www.talktoangel.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-trauma-after-an-accident

https://www.talktoangel.com/blog/childhood-trauma

https://www.talktoangel.com/blog/dealing-with-childhood-trauma

https://www.talktoangel.com/blog/how-trauma-can-manifest-as-physical-pain

https://www.talktoangel.com/blog/childhood-trauma-and-mental-health-of-adults