The developmental changes we were brought up with, the things our parents said, and the things they didn't—often influence who we become as adults and how we function in the world. Most of us fought tooth and nail to obtain our parents' attention when we were kids. But what if we were only given praise and affirmation when it was considered "deserving" or when we carried out a task in the "correct" manner? Golden child syndrome may result from parents who lack the confidence to create an atmosphere that is supportive of their children's entire growth. Dr. R. K. Suri, child psychologist, therapist & mentor TalktoAngel explains “that when people use the terms "golden child" or "golden child syndrome," they are referring to children who have been identified as special by their family, usually the parents, without any supporting evidence”.

Being referred to as the "golden child" does not always indicate a favorable circumstance. The family's golden child is typically selected as a stand-in for a parent's own accomplishments and magnificence. One of their "special" children is commonly given this identity by narcissistic parents. Unfortunately, the golden child is expected to perform at probably unreachable levels of excellence.

What is golden child syndrome?

Despite its prevalence, the "golden child syndrome" has no established clinical description because it is not a physical or psychiatric condition. The narcissist family member (often a parent) usually favors one child within the narcissistic family structure or another dysfunctional family system because they view that child as the expression of all the qualities and characteristics they perceive themselves to possess.

Narcissists place the burden of living up to their excellence on their golden child and identify with them as their own. These expectations may involve the child flourishing in areas where the narcissist tries to convince themselves to feel they themselves succeed, whether in academics, athletics, or another expressive channel. The child is expected to maintain the family's reputation, and the parent experiences life via the child. Unfortunately, parental pressure on a child can be harmful from early childhood all the way through maturity.

In effect, this means that now the golden child is continuously required to fulfill their parent’s beliefs, regardless of whether they are in agreement with them, and is expected to be excellent at everything. The golden child's self-perception can be impacted by parental praise, and this type of family dynamic can also have an impact on siblings. The parents put pressure on the golden child to maintain their achievements and behavior in line with their expectations if they want to continue receiving their love, attention, and affection.

Signs and Symptoms of a Golden Child

Here are eight characteristics of a golden child:

• A need to accomplish: Golden children understand that their capacity to live up to their parent's standards is closely related to their position in the family. Due to their upbringing to focus on what their parents need from them, the golden child may never even try to pursue their own goals.

• People-pleasing tendencies: The golden child grows up stressing and prioritizing pleasing others because they understand that part of what makes them unique is their ability to become what their parents want them to be.

• Early adulthood: Golden children are frequently parentified, which means that their narcissistic parent forces them to assume a fake or false adult status. The golden children are raised above their siblings because they are seen as more exceptional or faultless. This is harmful and damaging to the child's growth.

• Fear of failure: Golden children are given special privileges to their siblings, but if they don't live up to their parent's expectations, they risk receiving punishment that is excessive for their mistakes. This causes individuals to develop persistent anxiety about disappointing themselves or other people.

• Overwhelming guilt: Usually, where there is a "golden child," there is usually a "bad guy" child. Everything that works out is linked to the kindness of the golden kid, and everything that doesn't is attributed to the culprit. The golden child recognizes the fairness of this, and sorrow about how their siblings were treated may follow them into adulthood.

• Contrasting loyalties: The golden child may be asked to help with sibling discipline because they feel the need to please their parents. As the golden child realizes they share the same family status as their siblings, this causes internal tension.

• The golden child may be critical of them and believe they are almost never "perfect enough." If they were frequently used as the scapegoat, they might be afraid of losing their reputation and being forced into the position of family scapegoat.

• When the demands of the golden child suddenly surface and they are unable to control them, they experience episodes of "need-panic."

Effects of golden child syndrome

Golden child syndrome has negative effects on quality of life, such as:

• Increased Fear
• Insecure connections
• Narcissistic traits
• Low self-esteem
• Deficient Boundaries

Professionals are aware of the ways in which family dynamics, especially frequently narcissistic parents, can adversely impact a child, despite the fact that there is little study on golden child syndrome and it lacks an official diagnosis. It's crucial to avoid holding children responsible for the errors of their parents if you spot yourself or someone you love in the features mentioned above. To overcome the golden child syndrome, you must learn to set personal boundaries and accept that you are "good enough."

What is the scapegoat golden kid syndrome?

The scapegoat enables the parent to overlook the fact that they are the issue, while the golden kid helps the parent to forget their feelings of worthlessness by making them feel accomplished and successful.

How to overcome the effects of golden child syndrome?

Raising awareness is the first step in transformation since it takes acknowledgment of the source of your suffering to bring about change.

Dr. Suri, Clinical Psychologist suggests using a combination of counselling, journaling, meditation, and solitude away from outer influences to honestly go deep into your likes, dislikes, and desires in order to genuinely go inner and uncover who you are and what you want.

Therapy may also be a helpful tool to help you identify patterns that might be impacting you or making your daily life uncomfortable. Dr. Suri suggests that "it can be a place to recognize, investigate, and engage with deeply ingrained patterns that impact your expression of self." The following are some basic objectives for golden children:

1. Effectively establish boundaries to preserve your family's sense of agency and autonomy.

2. Identify your shame-related, difficult-situation-avoiding, or pleasant behaviors, and then practice them. To increase exposure to alternative ways of being, behavioral activation and opposing action are supported.

3. Examine your identity's past, which shapes how you operate today, and utilize what you learn to decide how to go.

4. Use mindfulness and grounding exercises to control any anxiety that may emerge.

Create and sustain systems of support that value and value the complexity of honesty, risk-taking, and imperfection.

5. It's undoubtedly a process, but the golden Child can overcome these tenancies and have far healthier connections with both other people and, most importantly, themselves with time, patience, and effort.

Contribution: Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Clinical Psychologist, life coach & mentor TalktoAngel & Dr Sakshi Kochhar Psychologist