Like any close relationship, marriage is bound to have its share of disagreements. Arguments and fights in marriage are normal; however, when they become frequent or destructive, they can damage the foundation of the relationship. Knowing how to handle these conflicts healthily and constructively can help prevent escalation and improve emotional closeness.

In this blog, we’ll explore practical tips for handling arguments and fights in marriage, from developing better communication skills to managing emotions. If conflicts are recurring or escalating, seeking marriage counselling through online counselling platforms like TalktoAngel can be an invaluable resource.

Practice Active Listening

When emotions run high, it’s easy to stop truly listening to your partner. You may focus more on proving your point than understanding their perspective. This often leads to more intense couples conflict as both partners feel unheard. Active listening is one of the best strategies for defusing a conflict.

Active listening involves:

• Putting aside your agenda and focusing solely on your partner’s words.
• Reflecting on what you heard, for example, saying “What I’m hearing is that you felt left out when I didn’t invite you.”
• Even if you disagree with their viewpoint, show them that you understand and respect their sentiments.

By practising active listening, you demonstrate that you care about your partner’s emotions, which can reduce anxiety and depression in the relationship. If this feels challenging, working with a therapist specializing in marriage counselling can help couples develop better communication skills. Online counselling through platforms like TalktoAngel offers a convenient and accessible way to work on these issues.

Avoid Blaming and Shaming

Blaming your partner or shaming them during a fight only escalates the situation and can lead to long-term resentment. Rather than focusing on what your partner did wrong, it’s better to communicate how their actions made you feel. For example, consider expressing, "I get overwhelmed whenever household chores are left to me," rather than, "You never assist around the residence."

This method lessens defensiveness and makes way for a more fruitful exchange of ideas. However, if your arguments frequently involve blame and shaming, it may be a sign of a deeper issue in the relationship. A professional counsellor can help identify whether there are underlying patterns of a toxic relationship that need to be addressed. TalktoAngel offers online counselling with some of the best psychologists in India who specialize in helping couples navigate conflict.

Take a Time-Out

When an argument becomes too heated, it’s easy to say things in the heat of the moment that you later regret. Taking a time-out is a useful tactic to prevent uttering unpleasant words. Both parties can relax and restore emotional self-control as a result.

During the time-out, engage in self-soothing activities like deep breathing or practising mindfulness. Mindfulness helps you stay present in the moment and reduces the emotional intensity of the argument. You can later return to the conversation with a clearer mind and a more balanced perspective.

Practising mindfulness can be difficult during intense emotional moments, so learning this skill in a therapeutic setting may be helpful. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is one approach used in therapy that incorporates mindfulness to manage intense emotions during conflicts. TalktoAngel offers therapists who use DBT techniques to help couples manage conflict better.

Identify the Root Cause of the Argument

Sometimes the issue that sparks a fight isn’t the real problem. You might be arguing over who forgot to do the laundry, but the real issue could be feelings of dependence or imbalance in the relationship. It’s essential to dig deeper and figure out what’s truly causing the disagreement.

Identifying the root cause can prevent future arguments about the same topic. For instance, if your partner feels unsupported, it’s important to address the issue of emotional or practical support, rather than just arguing about the task at hand.

If identifying the underlying issues is difficult, it might be helpful to seek marriage counselling. A therapist can help both partners understand the core emotional needs that aren’t being met and offer strategies to resolve these concerns more healthily. Online counselling makes accessing this type of help convenient for busy couples.

Learn to Apologize and Forgive

One of the most crucial aspects of handling fights in marriage is learning how to apologize sincerely and forgive your partner. No matter how well you communicate or manage emotions, conflicts will occur, and sometimes one partner will hurt the other. Sincere apologies demonstrate one's humility and acceptance of responsibility. 

Forgiveness, on the other hand, is essential for healing and moving forward. Holding onto grudges can turn a one-time argument into long-term resentment, which is toxic to any relationship. If forgiveness is difficult, it may be due to deeper unresolved issues, such as anxiety, depression, or previous emotional wounds. Seeking marriage counselling can help you navigate these complex feelings.

Set Boundaries and Stick to Them

Setting healthy boundaries in your relationship is crucial for preventing arguments from spiralling out of control. Boundaries help ensure that both partners respect each other’s emotional and physical space. For example, you might set a boundary that neither partner will shout or use insults during an argument.

When boundaries are established and respected, both partners feel safer during conflicts. This reduces the likelihood of the argument turning into a full-blown fight or escalating into a toxic relationship. If boundaries are regularly violated, it may be time to reassess the health of your relationship. Setting clear, healthy limits can be facilitated by consulting a professional. TalktoAngel offers online counselling with the best psychologists in India who specialize in helping couples create and maintain these important limits.

Consider Professional Help for Persistent Conflicts

While occasional fights are normal in any marriage, frequent and intense conflicts can be a red flag. If you find that arguments are becoming more frequent, more aggressive, or leading to feelings of anxiety or depression, it may be time to seek professional help.

Marriage counselling can provide couples with the tools they need to communicate better, resolve conflicts, and strengthen their relationship. In some cases, unresolved conflicts can lead to thoughts of divorce, and working with a therapist can help you decide whether separation is the right path or if the relationship can be healed.

Online counselling through TalktoAngel provides access to top therapists, including some of the best psychologists in India, who can help couples navigate their conflicts in a supportive and non-judgmental environment.

Conclusion

Arguments and fights are inevitable in any marriage, but how you handle them can make all the difference. By practising active listening, communicating without blame, taking time-outs, and seeking professional help when necessary, you can strengthen your marriage and prevent conflicts from becoming destructive.

If you find that your arguments are becoming too frequent or intense, don’t hesitate to seek online counselling. TalktoAngel offers access to the best psychologists in India who specialize in marriage counselling and relationship issues. Whether you’re dealing with couples conflict, feelings of dependence, or navigating a toxic relationship, professional counselling can offer the tools you need to heal and move forward.

Contribution: Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Clinical Psychologist, life coach & mentor TalktoAngel & Ms Gurleen Kaur, Counselling Psychologist.

References

• Fincham, Frank & Beach, Steven. (1999). Conflict in marriage: Implications for working with couples. Annu. Rev. Psychol. DOI:10.1146/annual.psych.50.1.47

• Wagner, Adriana & Mosmann, Clarisse & Scheeren, Patricia & Levandowski, Daniela. (2019). Conflict, Conflict Resolution and Marital Quality. Paidéia (Ribeirão Preto). 29. 10.1590/1982-4327e2919. 

• Delatorre, Marina & Wagner, Adriana. (2018). Marital Conflict Management of Married Men and Women. Psico-USF. 23. 229-240. 10.1590/1413-82712018230204.