Healing from Extramarital Affairs

Healing from Extramarital Affairs

April 10 2024 TalktoAngel 0 comments 3876 Views

Infidelity is one of the issues in a marriage that causes the most sorrow and severe pain. Nonetheless, many marriages succeed when both partners are dedicated to improving and rebuilding their relationship. In some cases, they could even intensify as intimacy increases.  Cheating, which frequently tops both emotional incompetence and physical abuse as the ultimate relationship destroyer, may have devastating effects on a relationship. But more than half of married couples choose to remain together rather than break up. Sadly, the healing process takes time, and even the most devoted couples occasionally run into problems with hurt feelings, crushing guilt, and hatred.

What is infidelity?

There is no single definition of infidelity that might clearly define it. Even within spouses, what constitutes infidelity can vary depending on the relationship. Is an emotional bond that doesn't involve sex, for example, considered infidelity? What about a romantic or sexual relationship conducted online? Each individual must establish their definition of what constitutes marital infidelity. An affair is a betrayal of trust that involves a third party and breaks the promise of faithfulness in your acts and affections that you made when you entered into a marriage.

Causes of affair

  • Lack of emotion
  • Loss of compassion, love, and concern for one another.
  • Communication breakdown around emotional and interpersonal requirements.
  • Concerns with one's physical health, such as persistent discomfort or incapacity.
  • Concerns with one's mental health, such as anxiety or sadness.
  • Addiction to things like drink, sex, narcotics, or romantic relationships.
  • Issues in a marriage that aren't addressed, such as worry about intimacy or avoiding conflict.
  • Significant life changes, including becoming a parent or having children leave the home.
  • Stressful times, like when partners must spend a lot of time apart.

What is affair recovery?

The process of repairing a relationship after it has undergone infidelity on a mental, emotional, and physical level is known as affair recovery. Affair recovery is typically a hard process that takes six months and two years, but it is possible for couples with humility, compassion, and courage.

From an emotional affair to a sexual affair, there are many different types of affairs. You have an emotional affair When you grow unnecessarily attached to someone other than your spouse and they become your best friend or soul mate. With them, you open up completely, and you begin to fall in love. If an emotional affair isn't stopped, it usually doesn't take long for it to turn sexual. Therefore, when there is sexual contact, there is a sexual affair. Due to attachment, emotional affairs are typically more challenging to end than one-night relationships. A deep bond has developed throughout an emotional affair, which might be challenging to end.

Affair of any kind is extremely traumatic to marriages. Infidelity is the main factor that undermines the stability of a relationship. Infidelity destroys the basis of relationships like nothing else, regardless of language spoken, skin color, ethnicity, or cultural background. Because of the extreme grief and loss, the betrayed spouse frequently has symptoms resembling post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Intruding thoughts, anger, panic attacks, flashbacks, feeling lifeless, etc. are some symptoms that can occur.

Healing from extramarital affair

1. Self-care

  • Make sure you eat a variety of healthy foods throughout the day.
  • When you can, get some sleep; if you are having a lot of trouble, consult a doctor.
  • When you can, get some exercise to reduce your stress healthily.
  • Pause frequently throughout the day to focus on taking long, relaxing breaths to slow down your heart rate or your racing thoughts.
  • Put words to your painful emotions so you can express them.
  • Look for someone who will be your advocate and who can assist you in processing your feelings, such as an Online counsellor, priest, or mentor.
  • Make a thought journal and write your thoughts in it
  • Try to meditate

2. Process your emotions as they are

Your intense pain can surprise you when it emerges. Let your painful emotions, such as feeling betrayed, rejected, useless, unloved, disrespected, or unsuccessful, matter to you. Make an effort to control your emotions by making wise decisions. Emotions that might arise include anger, hate, frustration, sadness, sorrow, and depression. You can get assistance from the best psychologist in India on constructive coping strategies and techniques that should help you move beyond an affair.

3. Make a decision later

Take the time to recover and understand the reasons behind the affair before deciding whether to keep the marriage going or terminate it.

4. Be responsible

Accept responsibility for your conduct if you were the one who cheated. End the relationship and stop speaking with the other individual. If a co-worker was involved in the affair, keep all communication professional. If it can't be done, think about finding another job.

5. Focus on the Present and Future

While it's important to address the affair and its consequences, it's also essential to focus on the present and future of the relationship. Identify areas for growth and improvement, set goals together, and make a commitment to rebuilding a stronger, healthier relationship.

6. Rebuilding Trust

Rebuilding trust takes time and consistent effort from both partners. This may involve being transparent about whereabouts and activities, keeping promises, and demonstrating commitment to the relationship. Rebuilding trust requires actions as much as words.

7. Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a process that takes time and may not happen immediately. It involves letting go of resentment and anger towards the partner who had the affair. However, forgiveness does not mean forgetting or minimizing the pain caused by the affair.

8. Seek Support

Consider seeking support from a couples counsellor or a marriage counselor who specializes in infidelity. Online Therapy can provide a neutral space to explore and process emotions. If avoiding divorce is the goal, marriage counselling can help put the infidelity into focus, point out problems that may have contributed to the affair, teach how to repair and enhance the relationship and help uncover difficulties that may have contributed to the affair.

Contribution: Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Clinical Psychologistlife coach & mentor TalktoAngel & Dr Sakshi Kochhar Psychologist



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