People generally ask about the best way to raise their children. This question is age long question as it is been asked in the past and it is in debate since then. There might be some people who think that their parenting style is the best one as they raised their kids in the best manner they could. But when you bring a baby to our home, you might be thinking that your first responsibility is to give shelter and protection from any harm that would come their way.

The main reason to adopt helicopter parenting could be the need to protect the baby from any harm and keep them safe from everything in any possible way. There are many parenting styles people have and we can watch them in a crowded place like a park. Helicopter parents could also be seen there. The term helicopter parenting was first given by Dr. HaimGinott in 1969 in his book “Between parents and teenagers”.

Helicopter parenting refers to the parenting style in which the parents are overly protective and involved too much in their children’s life. They hover over their parents like helicopters. The parents usually involve themselves in each and every aspect of their children which could even harm them.

The helicopter parents used to give attention to every activity of their children involving school so that they might not face any disappointments or pain in their lives. They think that this will also make them succeed in their lives. Helicopter parents are also known as they are micromanaging every aspect of their child and henceforth got themselves entangled with them.

Reasons people become helicopter Parents

There is a natural feeling in parents that they want to protect their children. The feeling that children should succeed in life and should stay away from all the pain and discomfort is the main reason why they hover. There could be some reasons, which are as follows:

• Fear of distressing consequences

There are many situations in life that might become distressing to the child and parents' instinct to protect them from everything which gives them discomfort and pain, is one thing that might make them fall into the category of a helicopter parent. But according to some researchers, the situations which parents think are distressing and which might bring unhappiness might be great teachers for kids.

• Anxiety feeling 

There could be worries related to finances, their job, and the world that can make their parents take control over them so that they can protect them from everything. Because there is a feeling in the parents that they want to protect them from all the hurt and disappointments of life.

• Peer pressure from other parents

Parents may react similarly when they observe other parents who are overprotective of their children. Sometimes we feel pressured to be helicopter parents because we see other parents doing it. If we don't fully involve ourselves in our children's lives, it's easy to feel guilty for not behaving in that manner. 

• Overcompensation

Adults who experienced rejection, neglect, or indifference as children may overcompensate with their children. Sometimes an excessive amount of supervision and care is used to make up for the parents' shortcomings while raising them as children.

The benefits of helicopter parenting

There is a question regarding helicopter parenting which is whether it is beneficial or not. It is said that it could be beneficial to some extent but could be only for the parent. This topic is quite controversial but there is some research that suggests that helicopter parents are much happier and more satisfied than other parents. There is more research that suggests that children who have parents who hover over them might have a hard time at school and after that also.

Some benefits are:

• It provides safety to the children
• Everything including their homework is on time
• Helicopter parents know each and every aspect of their children and therefore can support them in their tough times
• Helicopter parents are typically aware of the issues their kids are dealing with in school, such as bullying, and they can address them as soon as they arise to safeguard their kids' mental health.

Drawbacks of helicopter parenting

However, becoming overly involved in children's lives can be harmful or damaging. Children may begin to feel trapped and indifferent. They could also have issues with independence and autonomy. The primary negative effects of helicopter parenting are listed below:

• They don’t develop problem-solving skills
• Kids depend on their parents constantly.
• They are not able to deal with the challenges they are facing in their lives
• They suffer from low self-esteem
• Impact on parental and child interactions

Avoiding helicopter parenting

• Consider the potential long-term effects of helicopter parenting rather than concentrating on the here and now. Do you want your child to learn life skills or do you want them to always depend on you to fix things?
• Allow your children to take care of themselves if they are old enough to do so, and resist the desire to step in. This can involve even the smallest tasks, like choosing their clothes, cleaning their room, or tying their shoes.
• Allow kids to make age-appropriate choices on their own. Allow primary school students to select their chosen extracurricular activities or hobbies, while allowing older students to select their course of study.
• When your child has an argument with a friend, co-worker, or employer, stay out of the battle and avoid attempting to solve the situation. Give them the tools they need to settle the dispute on their own.
• Give your kid a chance to fail. Yes, it is very challenging but with this, they learn how to deal with disappointment, though, when they don't make the team or enroll in the college of their choice.
• Teach them interpersonal communication techniques, face-to-face interaction, cooking, cleaning, laundry, and other life skills.

Consultation with Clinical Psychologist: It is recommended that parents should consult with the best child psychologist, who will identify the reasons for depression and engage both child and parents in counseling. For further assistance connect with the Best Psychologist in India for the Best Teen Counselling at TalktoAngel India’s No 1 Online Counselling and mental health well-being platform.

Contributed by: Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Clinical Psychologist & Life Coach & Dr Sakshi Kochhar, Psychologist