In every relationship, there's likely to be some friction, and from time to time, there's a chance of an argument and fights.  However, it is possible to engage in some subliminal and potentially harmful behavior patterns that can be introduced into relationships and affect the way both of you perceive one another. As adults are the caretakers and parents of their children, telling the children which actions to take and the best way to behave in certain ways, sometimes the partner starts behaving as a "parent" in the relationship, and a dependency that is child-like is created on the other partner. Instead of being focused on trust and respect, relationships start to be characterized by an imbalance in power.

Sometimes in marriages, the roles of romantic partners are blurred by the roles and behavior of children and parents. This can manifest as one person acting as the parent who is constantly nagging and overpowering while the other is becoming more passive or engaging in behavior that resembles how children could act (think of an adult's anger or silent treatment). It may also be because one partner believes they must be the one to be responsible and carry the bulk of the burden in the marriage, and the other party appears to be too young to be trusted. In one way or another, it can be stressful in a romantic relationship as couples behave less as romantic partners and more as mommy and baby (or daddy and baby).

Side effects of acting as a parent to your partner

Being a parent can take away the romance and attraction you share with one another. One of the most important things that can commonly be affected by parenting your partner is your sexual life. Imagine this: You want to be in a relationship with an adult rather than with a child isn't it?  If you've spent your evening complaining about your partner even if they're acting in a way that's immature or reckless, it's unlikely to make you feel more attracted to your partner and be more connected as you head to bed. Of course, such a relationship can destroy the feeling of equality. The typical feeling is as if one person is carrying more weight over the other, or that one person has a weaker connection. Communication may also be negatively affected when one person is prone to talking about the other and the other person may begin being defensive or slowing down. In the end, it's most likely one's "child" partner will start hiding information or telling lies to their overbearing "parent" partner. This is a bad dynamic of sexual life, bad behavior, and bad communication. There is no sense of community.

How can you stop parenting your partner?

A few suggestions to begin changing your relationship today have been strongly recommended by Dr(Prof) R K Suri, Asia’s best Marriage & Relationship Counsellor are:

1. Change Your Communication

The first step is to think about the way you talk to each other and the language you employ. It could be a habit to talk about your partner's shortcomings and verbally correct them, or not take their words seriously. You may also insist on getting things accomplished. Nagging alters the dynamics between equal partners to one in that one person is more authority over the other. Instead of nagging them, take them back to their adult roles and the role of your partner by presenting issues to discuss and asking their opinion on how best to resolve the issue. Make them think independently. Do let them think for themselves and don't dictate to them what must be accomplished.

2. Set Boundaries

Another method of effectively communicating without constantly nagging is to be precise about the boundaries. If you see some pattern established that your partner doesn't try to do anything, and you've shared your concerns and opinions, it establishes your limits. You can also inform them that you're willing to help them with one aspect however for other things they're responsible for on their own.

3. Allow Your Partner to Make  & Learn From Mistakes

Your partner needs to be able to discover what they don't know, without overprotection or uninhibited interference. Allow partners to make and learn from mistakes, from time to time. If they've been dependent on you and they see that you've backed off then they may begin to feel a sense of responsibility begin to take over. When they're on their own, they'll be in making the right choices or taking on tasks independently more.

4. Remember: You are worthy of A Partner

Adult relationships require compromise and the ability to communicate your thoughts and opinions in a manner that is respectful. The ideal relationship should not be one in which one person is supporting another, it should be when both partners are supportive of each other. In relationships, you need two individuals who are emotionally open and able to handle conflicts and conflicts with compassion. 

5. Your Partner and you’re one team. In parenting and marriage, you and your partner have the same goal of creating a healthy, loving, and cherished family. You have to work at it as partners and teammates. 

6. Do not manipulate, control, or use coercion to get your partner to listen to you or mend your behavior. It’s attractive, and tempting to micromanage your partner’s time or the way that he/she interacts with children. In healthy and meaningful relationships, there is always equal power, no manipulation, and coercion. It would be worthwhile to, talk to your partner about your needs and how you can work together to change the situation. 

7. Work with your partner towards a respectful to both, being open to compromise, being flexible, and respecting change. 

8. Do co-Parenting. Do involve your partner in parenting duties and decisions making, family caretaking, as marriage and parenting a partnership. Be mindful to create a healthy team for your family. 

9. Love your partner at face value. Your partner is growing as an adult and parent just like you are. Please don’t humiliate or shame your partner that you are behaving like your mom or dad.

Without the interdependence of others, the relationships will feel superficial. It is, therefore, important to understand that the aim isn't to be fully independent and emotionally self-sufficient. However, allowing, or expecting a partner to take on the responsibility of managing the other's emotional state can be detrimental. This type of relationship typically has both partners accepting the parent/child roles in which one assumes responsibility for the wellbeing of the other and comforts in a manner like parents do but the other one accepts or allows that care of the parent. Seek Relationship Counseling online at TalktoAngel Asia best relationship counseling platform.

Couple Therapy can be of immense benefit to any relationship regardless of the severity or nature of your issues. With the assistance of a qualified Marriage Counsellor Online or an online Couple Counselling, couples can develop the ability how to resolve conflicts, enhance their relationship, and establish better communication practices.

Contributed by: Dr (Prof) R K Suri and Utkarsh Yadav