It is quite common to have miscarriages, but this knowledge can be a comfort for those who are grieving a loss. Many women are surprised at the intensity of their emotions following a miscarriage. These feelings can range from sadness and shock to anxiety, guilt, and fear about the future. The same goes for men, who may also feel a sense of inadequacy and loss. This is particularly true for men who are unsure how to support their partner during this time and take care of their emotions at the same time. In such times talking to someone you trust or expert counsellors can be of tremendous help.

A miscarriage refers to a pregnancy that ends before 20 weeks. Unfortunately, between 15 and 20 percent of pregnancies that have been diagnosed to miscarry mostly occur before the 12-week gestation period. Many miscarriages result from a genetic abnormality that prevents the foetus' normal development. Miscarriages are not caused by everyday activities like exercising, working, or having sexual intercourse. 

Feelings

Many women blame themselves for miscarriages. They feel a rollercoaster of emotions in the weeks following a miscarriage. A woman who just miscarried may also experience hormonal shifts, as her body adjusts to being not pregnant. The emotions she is feeling may be intensified by her changing hormones.

It is also possible for them to feel like they are failing as a mother and can be difficult to accept the possibility that their baby, within them, that was growing is lost. It is possible to feel horrible guilt about the fact that their baby was not born. They may question everything they have done in the past few weeks and wonder if there was anything that led to their baby's short life ending.

Miscarriages rarely occur because of something you did or didn't do. This happens by chance. These feelings are normal. It may take time for emotional healing to occur after miscarriage. Sometimes it takes longer than the physical healing process. It can help you to accept the loss and make peace with it.

Losing your loved one

Some family members and friends will tell women not to feel this loss. This is especially true if the miscarriage happens early in pregnancy. However, a miscarriage early in pregnancy is not always easier than one later. Even if the woman was only pregnant for a brief time, her pregnancy may have been planned for many years.

Remember that miscarriage is not a good experience for women. Keep in mind that not all women are equally affected. You can grieve in your way, at your own pace. It is common to feel good one day, and awful the next. It is often comforting to share and compare experiences with women who have gone through similar situations. It may surprise you to learn how many women have had miscarriages. A support group might be helpful. Talk to your doctor if you feel your emotions are affecting your ability to live a normal life. Referring to an online therapist or online counsellor might be beneficial.

Couple Coping with Miscarriage

Miscarriage can affect both men and women differently. Men often go into crisis mode and switch to problem-solving mode. When they can't "fix" their partner’s grief, they may feel helpless and inept. It is common for miscommunication to occur. A common problem is when the male partner sees him crying about his baby. He learns to not bring it up. The woman may feel that he doesn’t care because he doesn’t bring the subject up. Experts advise men to show love and openly share their feelings to counter the negative effects of miscarriage. They can be there to watch their partner, help with the chores, or go out with them for a special meal. If they face problems in their relationship, taking help from a marriage counsellor could be helpful.

Consult the Best Psychologist in India

Any stage of pregnancy loss can cause severe grief for a woman. It can happen so quickly that you may not even know it. You have lost your baby, your emotional strength, your plans, and your hope for a better future. It is usually because it is beyond your control and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Each woman will react differently to this immense grief. Some may be in denial while others feel guilty, angry, or sad. It could be for many reasons, but it is not your fault.

After a miscarriage, it is common to be afraid of another loss. It can be very difficult to heal from negative emotions such as anger, guilt, and pain. Your partner may be grieving as well. Talking about your feelings, accepting them, and seeking out counselling either in person or through online counselling from the best psychologists can help you manage these emotions and get back to living.

Most women who miscarry have a healthy next pregnancy. Talk to your doctor about any concerns. It's also a good idea to have a support network, especially for women who have had successful pregnancies following a loss.

Contribution by: Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Best Clinical Psychologist & Life Coach & Mr. Utkarsh Yadav, Counselling Psychologist