How to Set Healthy Boundaries?
How to Set Healthy Boundaries?
February 16 2023 TalktoAngel 0 comments 236 Views
According to Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Clinical Psychologist & `Life Coach, “Setting standards for your life and the purpose you give it is essential and even necessary. We feel abused and mistreated when we don't set healthy boundaries and hold individuals accountable”.Almost all of us know what the word boundaries mean but they find it hard to define it. Boundaries are often categorized as a property line or a brick wall which is used to keep people out. But these boundaries are not some lines that are drawn on sand or floor and are not visible to people. When people set boundaries it simply means that they are just taking care of their own selves. When they know and understand how to build and set healthy boundaries, they are keeping themselves away from all the negative feelings like resentment, disappointment, and anger that come up when these boundaries are crossed.
The root of boundaries is in clear communication. When they are communicated clearly, they are respected. Even if you need to repeat yourself a few times, resist the urge to apologise or define your boundaries. Boundaries define where your space stops and someone else's begins, much like an invisible fence surrounding a garden.
What are healthy boundaries?
Healthy boundaries are the restrictions you set around your time, emotions, physical wellbeing, and mental well-being to maintain your resiliency, stability, and sense of self. These powerful boundaries prevent you against being taken advantage of, depressed, and others cannot manipulate you as well.
You can establish your boundaries around:
- Emotional feelings and energy
- Personal space
- Ethics and morals
- Money and material possessions
- The social media
You can set boundaries with:
- Romantic relationships
- People at your workplace
- Strange people
Importance of boundaries
When we establish boundaries, it can be beneficial to both you and those who are around you. When people are clear about your boundaries, people will understand what you will and won't tolerate and will change their behaviour. People who disregard your limits may not be people you want in your life.
Developing healthy boundaries can help you with the following:
- Develop a higher sense of self pride and sef-esteem
- Make sure you are clear about your identity, objectives, values, and beliefs.
- Prioritising your own needs and your health.
- Improve your emotional and mental wellbeing.
- Prevent burnout
- Become independent
Ways to maintain healthy boundaries
1. Identifying your boundaries
Many of us reach adulthood without even considering what boundaries are. If this describes you then you not alone in this. Due to never having the chance to learn, many people, especially those from mix up families or families with weak boundaries, struggle to even understand what their boundaries are. For this people can start with the things they feel comfortable with. For some people it could be politic and for others it could be religion. Some may go for boundaries with spending time or the amount of physical touch they want to have.
2. Communicating people what you will tolerate and what you will not tolerate
You need to set boundaries if those close to you frequently do or say things that completely annoy you. If you don't tell them that what they're doing is wrong, they'll never understand it. When someone acts in a way that makes you feel inferior or unappreciated, be the person who speaks out. You should take all possible precautions to avoid anything that doesn't feel right to you.
3. Thinking about the impacts of the actions you are applying
Asking what kind of influence an opportunity will have on me and others has helped me learn to say no. Will it make our lives better, or could something else have a greater influence? Consider how long something will take relative to the amount of good it will accomplish. Say no if it will take more time than it is worth.
4. Practicing self-awareness
Boundaries are set so that people can focus on their feeling and honour them also. whenever you feel that you are about to cross your boundaries or you are crossing them, ask yourself the following questions:
- What has altered?
- Why am I doing this? or
- What the other person is doing
- What is causing me to feel worried or resentful?
5. Feel your feelings
You can be in fear of how the other person is going to respond. You could also feel bad about how you are speaking to the other person. You might believe that you should be able to handle things since people are counting on you to. You could question whether you appreciate having limitations or boundaries. It's acceptable to give yourself space so that you can process your emotions and feelings.
6. Think about your past and present
Due to your upbringing and place in the family, you could struggle to establish and uphold limits. For instance, if you grew up taking care of others, you may have learnt to neglect your own needs and allow yourself to become mentally and physically exhausted. It could be common if you to ignore or disregard your own needs and interests.
7. Making self-care a top most priority.
Allow yourself to prioritise your needs. Your motivation to set healthy boundaries will become stronger with this. Self-care simply means that you are processing your feeling and emotions. When you take care of yourself, it will give you the energy to process things, it will help you in giving mental peace and positive outlook which will present you positively in front of other people.
When you are finding it difficult to make boundaries on your own, you can also go for formal as well as informal support. Seek online consultation with the best "Clinical Psychologist near me", who shall help you in setting healthy boundaries.
If you are a manager or an employee not having healthy boundaries can create workplace stress can affect you all the same. TalktoAngel offers the best workplace counselling and Employee Assistance Programme (EAP). Lack of boundaries creates relationship issues in marriage seek best marriage counselling in India.
Contact TalktoAngel, Asia's top mental health platform, whether you are looking for a "Psychologist near me" or the Best Therapist in India for Online Counselling.
Contributed By- Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Best Clinical Psychologist & Life Coach & Ms. Varshini Nayyar
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