In today’s world, where awareness about gender identity is growing, many individuals feel more empowered to explore and question their gender. However, this journey can often be overwhelming, emotional, and confusing for them. As a friend, family member, or colleague, your support can play a crucial role in making them feel accepted and validated. This blog will outline simple, practical ways to support someone questioning their gender.

1. Educate Yourself About Gender

One of the best ways to provide support is by educating yourself about gender identity. Gender is not limited to the binary concepts of male and female; it’s a spectrum that includes diverse identities such as nonbinary, genderqueer, genderfluid, and more. Understanding terms like cisgender, transgender, and pronouns (e.g., they/them) can help you communicate respectfully.

Here are some trusted resources to start with:

• The Trevor Project
• Human Rights Campaign (HRC)
• GLAAD’s Glossary of Terms

Being informed allows you to provide meaningful support without burdening the person with the task of educating you.

2. Listen Without Judgment

When someone opens up to you about questioning their gender, create a safe space for them to share their thoughts and feelings. Avoid interrupting or offering unsolicited advice. Instead, focus on listening actively and empathetically. Phrases like “I hear you” or “Thank you for sharing this with me” can make them feel heard and valued.

It’s important to avoid making assumptions or pressuring them to label their identity. Gender exploration is a personal journey, and everyone moves at their own pace.

3. Respect Their Pronouns and Name

Using the correct pronouns and chosen names is a simple yet powerful way to show respect. If you make a mistake, apologize briefly, correct yourself, and move on without making it a big issue.

Consistently using their correct name and pronouns reinforces their sense of identity and belonging.

4. Be Patient and Understanding

Questioning one’s gender can be a complex and ongoing process. They might change their pronouns, explore different names, or express their gender in new ways over time. Be patient with these changes and let them know that your support is unconditional.

It’s also essential to understand that they might experience feelings of fear, anxiety,  confusion, or frustration. Offer reassurance and remind them that it’s okay to take their time to figure things out.

5. Avoid Stereotypes and Generalizations

Gender expression and identity are unique to every individual. Avoid making comments like:

• “But you don’t look like a [man/woman/nonbinary person].”
• “Are you sure this isn’t just a phase?”

These statements can feel invalidating and dismissive. Instead, focus on affirming their feelings and experiences without comparing them to societal norms or expectations.

6. Offer Practical Support

Practical support can go a long way in helping someone questioning their gender feel seen and supported. Here are some ideas:

• Accompany them to LGBTQ+ support groups or counselling sessions if they ask for it.
• Help them find resources, books, or online communities where they can connect with others who have had similar experiences.
• Advocate for inclusivity in your workplace, school, or community by promoting the use of gender-neutral restrooms and policies.

7. Be an Ally

Being an ally means standing up against discrimination and bias, even when the person questioning their gender isn’t present. This includes:

• Challenging transphobic or homophobic comments.
• Promoting inclusive language.
• Supporting policies that protect the rights of LGBTQ+ individuals.
• By setting an example of acceptance and respect, you create a safer environment for everyone.

8. Encourage Professional Support

While your support is invaluable, some aspects of questioning one’s gender might require professional help. Encourage them to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or top psychologist in India specializing in gender identity. Counselling provides a confidential and non-judgmental space where they can explore their feelings, gain clarity, and build low self-confidence & self-esteem in their identity. Professional counsellors can also offer coping strategies for managing stress, social anxiety, or societal pressures during this journey. Platforms like TalktoAngel and The Trevor Project’s crisis services offer accessible, confidential, and online counselling support.

9. Take Care of Yourself

Supporting someone questioning their gender can sometimes feel emotionally demanding. It’s important to check in with your feelings and seek support if needed. Joining ally support groups or talking to a counsellor can help you process your thoughts and stay grounded.

10. Celebrate Their Journey

Finally, celebrate their courage to explore and embrace their true self. Whether it’s acknowledging small milestones or simply being there during tough times, your positive reinforcement can make a big difference.

Conclusion

Supporting someone questioning their gender is about creating a space of love, respect, and acceptance. By educating yourself, listening empathetically, and standing by them without judgment, you can help them navigate this journey with confidence and self-assurance. Remember, your role isn’t to provide answers but to offer understanding and support as they discover their authentic self.

Contribution: Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Clinical Psychologist, life coach & mentor TalktoAngel & Ms.  Sakshi Dhankar, Counselling Psychologist.

References

• Human Rights Campaign. (n.d.). Understanding the Basics of Gender Identity and Expression. Retrieved from www.hrc.org
• The Trevor Project. (n.d.). Resources for LGBTQ Youth and Allies. Retrieved from www.thetrevorproject.org
• GLAAD. (n.d.). GLAAD Media Reference Guide - LGBTQ Terms. Retrieved from www.glaad.org