Is It Love or Emotional Dependency?

Is It Love or Emotional Dependency?

December 03 2022 TalktoAngel 0 comments 3354 Views

Emotional dependency occurs when a person develops a belief that they need a partner for survival, to feel satisfied, or to be complete. It's easy to confuse love with emotional dependence because they're both characterized by strong feelings towards another person. In relationships, emotionally dependent people believe they're "in love" when they're really "in need." People who are emotionally dependent require continuous attention, approval, and support from their spouse/partner.

We need to remember that there is a line of distinction that runs between emotional attachment in form of love and emotional dependence. On one side love is a deep emotion, and those who are in love will have an emotional attachment to their loved ones. And being emotionally connected to someone doesn't necessarily mean you're dependent on them for their approval. Emotional dependency on another side develops when you begin dependent on them to provide you a sense of your own identity. 

Relationships that are emotionally dependent cannot be considered to be healthy forms of attachment because you don't have self-esteem or autonomy. You develop a sense of dependency to your partner and do anything to keep the relationship safe, even if you are not feeling happy which might be due to the fear of being isolated.

Love vs emotional dependency.

"Love" that comes from fear isn't love, it's neediness. Dependency on emotions stems from the deep emptiness that results when you don’t let yourself go. You expect your spouse/partner to fill the void in your life by making you feel valued and secure. If you've made your partner accountable for your safety, happiness, and worth, you will also try to influence your partner to be the person you'd like to be treated.

The essence of love is sharing and giving, not receiving. Love is not dependent. There is nothing that can be controlled in true love. It is a relationship that supports the best interests of both you as well as your partner's greatest good. This means that you should never try to control or dominate the other. If you are in love with someone, you are devoted to the essential characteristics of their character, qualities that don't fade away as time passes.

Focusing on getting love will always result in uncontrollable heartbreak and a closed nature, which will block you out of true love. Focusing on loving, and understanding what it means to love you and your partner at the moment is what will open the heart and be more accepting. If you choose to consistently be loving to both yourself and others you will feel genuine love.

Signs of Emotional Dependency

The signs of being emotionally dependent:

  • You tend to think of people from past relationships as ideal.
  • Project on your partner to become the person you want them to appear instead of how they actually are.
  • Creating the person you believe you love
  • Focused on how the person you love treats you, rather than focusing on who they truly are.
  • Awestruck by the way this person can make you feel like a celebrity.
  • Holding your partner accountable to your happiness, your worth, and your security
  • Feeling stressed or anxious when you're not with your loved one or the text messages don't come as you'd hoped.
  • Often identify a list of requirements that your partner must fulfill in order to make you feel comfortable and secure.
  • You think you're not able to do without this person
  • Scared of losing your loved one
  • Feel depleted and alone if your partner doesn’t give your attention and praise
  • Feel jealous when your partner is not with you

How do you stop becoming emotionally dependent?

If you don't love yourself--your beautiful, amazing essence, then you are unable to see or feel the true spirit oneself. If you don't appreciate yourself, you'll become emotionally dependent on your desire for love.

Once you begin to love yourself then you're more able to avoid becoming dependent on someone else emotionally. You won't be in an urgent desire for attention and approval. When you are able to give yourself the respect and love that you desire and deserve, you'll be able to maintain healthy relationships with other people without relying on them for your feeling of well-being.

The process of learning to be happy with yourself and feel whole, regardless of others within your life, will be a long-term journey. And this journey is often worth it.

Seek Help from Clinical Psychologist

Every relationship has conflicts. Knowing how to deal with your disputes will not just fix your issues but also help make your relationship more enduring. If you believe it is your emotional dependency that is causing conflict in your relationship, feel free to take Couple Therapy. It is good to start to begin with. In couple’s therapy, a Relationship Counsellor will work with you and your partners to improve your relationship.

Like all forms of therapy, Online Counselling for couples is a requirement both of willingness and commitment, and lets you share your feelings with each other and a trusted Online Therapist. Online Counselling doesn't need to be a secluded practice that is reserved for just one "type" of person. Couple therapy from an online relationship counsellor is a great option for anyone who is in a relationship regardless of their demographics, such as gender identity and age. When you are committing to couple therapy be sure to keep an open heart, mental your stress, and anxiety, and be prepared to smash down the walls of communication that are creating conflict in your relationship.

Self-Care Tips to Overcome Emotional Dependence:

1. Identify your key triggers

2. Acknowledge your all emotions

3. Practice living by yourself every day

4. Learn to set practical boundaries

5. Cultivate patience step by step 

6. Attend to your own needs first

7. Seek professional help Relationship Counselor

Contributed by: Dr (Prof) R K Suri and Mr. Utkarsh Yadav


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