Navigating Different Values in a Marriage
Navigating Different Values in a Marriage
February 03 2023 TalktoAngel 0 comments 2252 Views
Romantic relationships are difficult, especially when you
are exposing your true self to your partner and carrying your heart on your
sleeve. When we start dating someone new, we voluntarily suffocate in the
powerful currents of want and attraction. As a result, we commonly overlook
compatibility; simply falling in love with an individual and sharing similar
hobbies and interests do not automatically imply compatibility. We initially
search for compatibility based on shared interests. Maybe you'd like to
date someone who enjoys skiing, loves dogs, and spends a lot of their leisure
time exercising outdoors. All of these qualities are admirable, but what
happens if you get older or get hurt and can't ski every day in the winter?
Is your relationship in jeopardy because you don't have
the same enduring principles? While interests and hobbies evolve throughout
time, essential values remain constant. It's important to discuss your
underlying values early on in a relationship for a variety of reasons. The main
reason is that you don't want to put time and passion into something that
won't endure since your underlying principles are different.
What
constitutes fundamental values?
What essential principles govern relationships? Your core values in a relationship are the principles that govern your
words and deeds; they reflect your perspective on yourself, other people, and
the wider world. Your core principles lay the groundwork for how you conduct
your life.
Why
are fundamental principles important in a relationship?
Each partner in a healthy romantic relationship has other people (friends,
coworkers, family members, etc.) who fill the numerous roles that their
romantic partner cannot. These other people serve all of the other requirements
that each partner has individually. Your partner can't always be your
co-parent, therapist, financial support system, confidant, travel companion,
and lover. Therefore, having other people in your life is crucial to meeting
these demands. Your romantic partner, though, ought to share your core
principles. There will be problems, and your partnership will face challenges.
Your shared core beliefs will give you the courage and comradely you need to
overcome these obstacles. Shared interests, chemistry, and attraction will
wane and sometimes reappear, but fundamental principles will never change.
How
do you approach conflicting values in a marriage?
Communication is key to handling
various values in a partnership. There are many long-lasting relationships
among people of differing political or religious viewpoints. You might give
your marriage a chance to survive if you can properly discuss and disagree.
1. Share your perspective while also listening to theirs.
Having a dialogue is the first step
in addressing critical relationship principles. This doesn't imply that you
should start yelling after you see the news. It entails sitting down,
discussing your viewpoint, and sincerely attempting to comprehend your
partner's position.
2. Determine the main reason(s) for your partner's point of view's
plausibility.
Keep in mind that each of us has a
unique perspective that is influenced by our upbringing, the experiences we
have as kids and adults, our education, and our prior experiences.
In so many ways, childhood
influences adult relationships! Just because someone holds values that are
different from yours doesn't indicate that those values are necessarily bad
(and vice versa).
Learn
how to fight fairly
It's challenging to have distinct
values in a relationship. Conflict will always arise when those perspectives
are discussed (after all, you're reading this, right?!). You should therefore
practice fighting fairly, even when you're quite enraged.
If you fight successfully, it can
even make you feel closer to your spouse because it can make each person feel
heard. Even while you may never be able to compromise or agree on your moral,
religious, or political differences, you can make sure that the arguments
themselves don't cause your relationship to terminate.
Here
are some quick ideas for having fair & transparent arguments & fights:
1. Pause: It's better to stop and take a few
deep breaths if you feel your blood starting to boil before carrying on with
the talk. Make it clear to your spouse that you require a few minutes or more
to collect yourself before you can resume the talk.
2. Focus
on the current problem:
Avoid having a disagreement over a single subject turn into a blowout over all
of your previous disagreements. Even if it's easier said than done, bringing up
old grudges unrelated to your disagreement won't assist either of you.
3. Never
use the absolute:
Your partner probably won't "always" try to debate with you or
"never" try to understand your viewpoint. Try to avoid using that
language, and tell your partner to do the same.
4. Speak
with "I" pronouns:
By concentrating on how you feel, you can avoid making accusations and
assigning blame with ease. Try- "I feel like we end up talking about this
a lot" in place of "you always bring this up."
5. Be
kind: You might never concur with your
partner's viewpoint. However, having differing values in a partnership should
not be a justification for abusive language or behavior. Even when you're at
odds, use civil language.
6. Pick your deal-breakers. So far, we've been exploring approaches to talk about and resolve conflicting values in a partnership. However, there can be instances where it simply isn't possible. Some relationship fundamentals are so crucial that they can make or break a union.
The important thing is to identify
your red lines. You might, for instance, be okay with disagreeing on which
political candidate to support (even if it does lead to impassioned arguments).
Being with someone who disagrees with you on a social issue that affects your
life, like abortion or LGBTQ rights, may not be as acceptable to
you as any other values.
You can determine your following
steps as soon as you select what fundamental principles of a relationship you
wish to share with your spouse.
An online Premarital counsellor can assist you and your significant
other in having crucial conversations before the wedding and in developing
crucial conflict-resolution skills.
Want
more guidance on balancing conflicting values in a relationship?
You can be torn between staying in a
relationship with someone who shares your values and leaving. It could be time
to consult a professional if you've tried to solve the problem on your own but
are still having trouble.
An online Couple Therapy may assist you and your partner in
having more fruitful discussions about your differences as well as assist you
in recognizing how your values are influenced by your upbringing, prior
experiences, and worldviews. The Best Therapist in India can also assist you in coming to a mutual decision about
whether you want to continue your relationship or whether your divergent moral
perspectives warrant ending it.
Whatever choice you make, consulting
a Couple counsellor or the Best Online Psychologist
in India and
taking Online counselling can aid you and your partner in
navigating your feelings around the circumstance. If you're prepared to receive
professional assistance for conflicting
values in a relationship, get in touch with TalktoAngel No 1 Online Marriage
Counselling Platform in India & Asia Pacific, and seek the best online Couples Counselling
services.
Contributed by Dr. (Prof) R.K. Suri, Clinical Psychologist & Life
Coach & Ms. Varshini Nayyar
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