Navigating Different Values in a Marriage

Navigating Different Values in a Marriage

February 03 2023 TalktoAngel 0 comments 1022 Views

Romantic relationships are difficult, especially when you are exposing your true self to your partner and carrying your heart on your sleeve. When we start dating someone new, we voluntarily suffocate in the powerful currents of want and attraction. As a result, we commonly overlook compatibility; simply falling in love with an individual and sharing similar hobbies and interests do not automatically imply compatibility. We initially search for compatibility based on shared interests. Maybe you'd like to date someone who enjoys skiing, loves dogs, and spends a lot of their leisure time exercising outdoors. All of these qualities are admirable, but what happens if you get older or get hurt and can't ski every day in the winter?

Is your relationship in jeopardy because you don't have the same enduring principles? While interests and hobbies evolve throughout time, essential values remain constant. It's important to discuss your underlying values early on in a relationship for a variety of reasons. The main reason is that you don't want to put time and passion into something that won't endure since your underlying principles are different.

What constitutes fundamental values?

What essential principles govern relationships? Your core values in a relationship are the principles that govern your words and deeds; they reflect your perspective on yourself, other people, and the wider world. Your core principles lay the groundwork for how you conduct your life.

Why are fundamental principles important in a relationship?

Each partner in a healthy romantic relationship has other people (friends, coworkers, family members, etc.) who fill the numerous roles that their romantic partner cannot. These other people serve all of the other requirements that each partner has individually. Your partner can't always be your co-parent, therapist, financial support system, confidant, travel companion, and lover. Therefore, having other people in your life is crucial to meeting these demands. Your romantic partner, though, ought to share your core principles. There will be problems, and your partnership will face challenges. Your shared core beliefs will give you the courage and comradely you need to overcome these obstacles. Shared interests, chemistry, and attraction will wane and sometimes reappear, but fundamental principles will never change.

How do you approach conflicting values in a marriage?

Communication is key to handling various values in a partnership. There are many long-lasting relationships among people of differing political or religious viewpoints. You might give your marriage a chance to survive if you can properly discuss and disagree.

1. Share your perspective while also listening to theirs.

Having a dialogue is the first step in addressing critical relationship principles. This doesn't imply that you should start yelling after you see the news. It entails sitting down, discussing your viewpoint, and sincerely attempting to comprehend your partner's position.

2. Determine the main reason(s) for your partner's point of view's plausibility.

Keep in mind that each of us has a unique perspective that is influenced by our upbringing, the experiences we have as kids and adults, our education, and our prior experiences.

In so many ways, childhood influences adult relationships! Just because someone holds values that are different from yours doesn't indicate that those values are necessarily bad (and vice versa).

Learn how to fight fairly

It's challenging to have distinct values in a relationship. Conflict will always arise when those perspectives are discussed (after all, you're reading this, right?!). You should therefore practice fighting fairly, even when you're quite enraged.

If you fight successfully, it can even make you feel closer to your spouse because it can make each person feel heard. Even while you may never be able to compromise or agree on your moral, religious, or political differences, you can make sure that the arguments themselves don't cause your relationship to terminate.

Here are some quick ideas for having fair & transparent arguments & fights:

1. Pause: It's better to stop and take a few deep breaths if you feel your blood starting to boil before carrying on with the talk. Make it clear to your spouse that you require a few minutes or more to collect yourself before you can resume the talk.

2. Focus on the current problem: Avoid having a disagreement over a single subject turn into a blowout over all of your previous disagreements. Even if it's easier said than done, bringing up old grudges unrelated to your disagreement won't assist either of you.

3. Never use the absolute: Your partner probably won't "always" try to debate with you or "never" try to understand your viewpoint. Try to avoid using that language, and tell your partner to do the same.

4. Speak with "I" pronouns: By concentrating on how you feel, you can avoid making accusations and assigning blame with ease. Try- "I feel like we end up talking about this a lot" in place of "you always bring this up."

5. Be kind: You might never concur with your partner's viewpoint. However, having differing values in a partnership should not be a justification for abusive language or behavior. Even when you're at odds, use civil language.

6. Pick your deal-breakers. So far, we've been exploring approaches to talk about and resolve conflicting values in a partnership. However, there can be instances where it simply isn't possible. Some relationship fundamentals are so crucial that they can make or break a union.

The important thing is to identify your red lines. You might, for instance, be okay with disagreeing on which political candidate to support (even if it does lead to impassioned arguments). Being with someone who disagrees with you on a social issue that affects your life, like abortion or LGBTQ rights, may not be as acceptable to you as any other values.

You can determine your following steps as soon as you select what fundamental principles of a relationship you wish to share with your spouse.

An online Premarital counsellor can assist you and your significant other in having crucial conversations before the wedding and in developing crucial conflict-resolution skills.

Want more guidance on balancing conflicting values in a relationship?

You can be torn between staying in a relationship with someone who shares your values and leaving. It could be time to consult a professional if you've tried to solve the problem on your own but are still having trouble.

An online Couple Therapy may assist you and your partner in having more fruitful discussions about your differences as well as assist you in recognizing how your values are influenced by your upbringing, prior experiences, and worldviews. The Best Therapist in India can also assist you in coming to a mutual decision about whether you want to continue your relationship or whether your divergent moral perspectives warrant ending it.

Whatever choice you make, consulting a Couple counsellor or the Best Online Psychologist in India and taking Online counselling can aid you and your partner in navigating your feelings around the circumstance. If you're prepared to receive professional assistance for conflicting values in a relationship, get in touch with TalktoAngel No 1 Online Marriage Counselling Platform in India & Asia Pacific, and seek the best online Couples Counselling services.

Contributed by Dr. (Prof) R.K. Suri, Clinical Psychologist & Life Coach & Ms. Varshini Nayyar


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