Overcoming the Feeling of Mom-Shaming

February 27 2025 TalktoAngel 0 comments 1132 Views

Being a mother is one of the most rewarding experiences in life, but it’s not without its challenges. Among these challenges, one that often goes unspoken is the feeling of being mom-shamed. Mom-shaming occurs when people criticize or judge a mother’s parenting choices, whether it’s about breastfeeding, working outside the home, the way a child is disciplined, or even the food served to kids. These judgments can come from family, friends, strangers, or even other mothers.

Dealing with mom-shaming can be emotionally exhausting and leave mothers feeling inadequate. However, it’s possible to overcome these feelings and regain low self-confidence and self-esteem in your parenting. Let’s explore some practical steps to handle mom-shaming and embrace your unique journey as a parent.

1. Understand That No One Is Perfect

Parenting doesn’t come with a one-size-fits-all manual. Every mother is unique, and so are her children. Remind yourself that even the most well-meaning critics don’t know the full context of your life. Focus on doing what’s best for you and your child, rather than striving for unrealistic expectations set by others or social media.

2. Identify and Challenge the Source of Shame

Mom-shaming can come from a variety of sources, such as societal norms, family traditions, or unsolicited advice. It’s essential to recognize where the criticism is coming from. Once you identify the source, you can challenge its validity.

Ask yourself: Is this criticism based on facts, or is it someone’s personal opinion? Does this feedback align with my values as a parent? If the answer is no, it’s easier to dismiss the negativity and move on.

3. Build a Support System

A strong support system can make a world of difference in combating mom-shaming. Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you, whether they’re family, friends, or fellow mothers. Joining parenting groups or online communities can also provide a safe space to share experiences, seek advice, and find reassurance that you’re not alone.

Having a support network can help you feel more confident in your decisions and provide a buffer against external criticism.

4. Practice Self-Compassion

It’s easy to internalize mom-shaming and feel like you’re failing as a parent. But being kind to yourself is crucial. Practice self-compassion by acknowledging your efforts and celebrating small victories. Remind yourself of the love, care, and sacrifices you make every day for your child.

Affirmations such as “I am doing my best,” or “My choices reflect my family’s needs” can help you maintain a positive mindset.

5. Limit Exposure to Toxic Influences

While it offers inspiration and community, it can also fuel comparisons and mom-shaming. If certain accounts or groups make you feel inadequate, it’s time to hit the unfollow button.

Instead, curate your online presence to include supportive and realistic content. Follow accounts that promote positivity, self-acceptance, and non-judgmental parenting.

6. Respond or Ignore Strategically

When faced with mom-shaming, you have the power to decide how to respond. For some situations, it might be best to ignore the comment and not let it affect you. In other cases, a polite but firm response can set healthy boundaries. For example, you can say:

“I appreciate your concern, but this is what works for my family.”
“I’d prefer to make my own decisions about my child.”

Choose your battles wisely, and don’t feel obligated to justify your parenting choices to everyone.

7. Focus on Your Child

What truly matters is your child’s well-being and happiness. Tune out the noise of criticism and focus on your relationship with your child. If your child is thriving, healthy, and loved, you do an excellent job as a parent.

Trust your instincts and remind yourself that you know your child better than anyone else.

8. Educate and Advocate

Sometimes, mom-shaming stems from ignorance or outdated beliefs. Use these moments as an opportunity to educate others about your parenting choices. Share evidence-based information or personal experiences to help them understand your perspective.

Advocating for yourself and other mothers can also empower you to rise above shaming and promote a culture of acceptance and support.

9. Seek Professional Help if Needed

If mom-shaming has severely impacted your mental health, don’t hesitate to seek professional support. Talking to a counselor online or a therapist near me can help you process your emotions, build resilience, and develop strategies to cope with criticism.

Online counselling platforms such as TalktoAngel or local counselling centers can connect you with professionals and top psychologists in India who specialize in parenting and mental health.

Conclusion

Mom-shaming can be hurtful, but it doesn’t have to define your parenting journey. By embracing your unique path, seeking support, and focusing on what truly matters, you can rise above criticism and create a fulfilling, joyful experience for yourself and your child. Remember, you’re not alone—every mother faces challenges, but together, we can overcome them with grace and strength.

Contributed by: Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Clinical Psychologist & Life Coach & Ms. Sakshi Dhankhar, Counselling Psychologist

References

Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Avery.
Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow.
Druckerman, P. (2012). Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting. Penguin Books.
Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2012). The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind. Delacorte Press.
Ginott, H. G. (2003). Between Parent and Child: Revised and Updated: The Bestselling Classic That Revolutionized Parent-Child Communication. Three Rivers Press.