In general, parent-child relationships are complicated. It can be challenging to determine when family matters cross the line into unhealthy, toxic zones. It requires a lot of awareness to recognize the issue, particularly in the case of gaslighting, which is a confusing and manipulative form of emotional abuse.

What is gaslighting?

Constant manipulation or misdirection that makes the victim question their reality and initial impression is known as gaslighting. A person may get confused and lose their sense of self and worth as a result. We are all susceptible to such emotional abuse because it is most effective on those who lack confidence in their own decisions and choices. To maintain control and exhaust the victim, negative narratives, flattery, reinforcement, or coercion are frequently used. Gaslighting can appear in any relationship, including one with family and romantic partners as well as one at the office. We have covered gaslighting parents, warning indicators of toxic behaviors, and ways to deal with gaslighting from parents in this article. For additional details, continue reading.

The phrase first appeared in a British drama where an abusive husband tried to make his wife doubt her reality by controlling the environment and events.

Signs and symptoms of parental gaslighting

• They reject the experiences of their kids.

• They think they are always correct.

• They never offer an apology.

• Parents believe they know best for their kids.

• They think they understand their kids more deeply than they do themselves.

• They continue to disregard their kids' emotions.

Types of parental gaslighting

• Narrative gaslighting is when a parent modifies the story in an attempt to convince the child that something happened the way they want it to have happened.

• Emotional gaslighting is an issue because our feelings are closely related to our self-esteem. This occurs when a parent behaves toward a child as though those feelings are incorrect or unreasonable when, in reality, they do.

• Personal gaslighting is when a parent devalues a child's belief in or confidence in him or herself. This is frequently the most effective type since it tricks you into believing that what you already know about yourself is false. It also diminishes your confidence in yourself and your sense of self-worth.

Reasons people use gaslighting

There are various reasons for parents to gaslight their kids. The behavior is frequently a reaction to the person's environment. A parent might not be conscious of how manipulative or harmful their acts are if gaslighting was taught by their mother or father.

Other parents (especially those who are enmeshed) can simply be overburdened and project their psychological wounds and previous traumas onto their children. Apart from narcissism, other probable root causes of gaslighting include emotional immaturity, a craving for attention, and deep-seated shame.

Effects of gaslighting on children

The rejection of reality is one of gaslighting's most destructive aspects. Being prevented from doing what you know to be true and have experienced. Someone who experiences it may feel crazy, but they're not. The child may get confused, develop more self-doubt, and have lower self-esteem as a result of the parent's gaslighting techniques. They might experience depression or anxiety. In extreme circumstances, the child might face mental health problems including psychosis as their distorted world develops.

Dealing with gaslighting

• Create a network of support

Recovering from emotional trauma in childhood requires awareness. How a child who has experienced trauma as a child recovers is significantly impacted by having their pain acknowledged and valued. It's important to have friends who realize and understand your situation. Create a group of people who will support you and understand your struggle. You can question your choices and put all the responsibility on yourself as a result of your parent's controlling behavior. Your support system can also serve as a reality check when you need it.

• Setting Healthy Boundaries

Go away from the discussion when someone tries to gaslight you by trying to downplay your experience. Inform them that you won't fight them. Your health will be saved, and they won't be able to gaslight you if you avoid conflict. That can suggest that you won't ever see some people. You occasionally have to decide between your health and your parent-child bond.

• Set smart goals

Regardless of your early trauma, try to live life to the fullest. You can't change toxic parents if you have them. Don't set that as your objective. Your objectives are to live the best life you can and to realize your full potential.

• Try to find emotional comfort

Several people who experienced emotional abuse as children say that having a pet or joining a religious organization has given them extra emotional comfort.

• Go for therapy

Even as adults, abused children find it challenging to manage such a trying circumstance on their own. You can receive further support and assistance in your healing process from a qualified mental health practitioner like an Online Counsellor. Seeking Online Therapy from the Best Psychologist in India can provide invaluable support and guidance in navigating the complexities of parental gaslighting. A qualified mental health practitioner can offer personalized strategies and coping mechanisms tailored to your specific situation, aiding in your healing journey and empowering you to reclaim your sense of self-worth and emotional well-being.

• Family therapy

You can all go to family counseling together as a group as a part of your recovery process if your parents have a genuine wish to rebuild your connection.

Contribution: Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Clinical Psychologist, life coach & mentor TalktoAngel & Dr Sakshi Kochhar Psychologist