Although the phrase "gaslighting" has been around for a while, its usage has only recently increased. Like many other psychological words, the meaning is frequently misunderstood. Today, we'll examine what gaslighting is and how frequently we do it to ourselves. We will also discuss how to recognize self-gaslighting and how to put a stop to this harmful practice.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a psychologically manipulative tactic aimed at undermining an individual's perception of reality and sense of self. Through techniques such as denial, minimization, twisting facts, blaming, and withholding, the gaslighter gradually erodes your confidence, leaving you doubting your own emotions and judgments. The abuser will make you doubt your capacity to remember facts correctly. They'll make you question if things were as horrible as you thought. The person eventually feels as though they are going crazy. Their sense of self-worth is destroyed, and they ultimately end up doubting their decisions.

This form of emotional abuse can lead to significant psychological distress, including low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and a heightened sense of confusion and self-doubt. Victims of gaslighting often find themselves trapped in a cycle of questioning their sanity and trying to appease the gaslighter's demands, further perpetuating the abusive dynamic. Recognizing gaslighting behavior is crucial for safeguarding one's mental well-being and seeking support from trusted individuals or mental health professionals like Online Counsellors who can provide validation, perspective, and assistance in breaking free from the cycle of manipulation.

What is Self-Gaslighting?

Self-gaslighting is the internalized version of this manipulation, where individuals undermine their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It frequently manifests as the repression of emotion and thought. It's a complex interplay between self-doubt, inner criticism, and distorted perceptions, leading to a state of perpetual questioning and confusion. Unlike traditional gaslighting, where the source is external, self-gaslighting emerges from within, shaping our self-concept and influences our behavior in a subtle yet profound way

Let's take the situation of someone saying something nasty or disrespectful. You might well be aware that your feelings were wounded, but very immediately and impulsively, you may think that you might probably just be overly sensitive and make a big deal out of it.  When we take the light away from the gaslighter, we are self-gaslighting. We start to gaslight ourselves if we absorb their abuse (or lack of protection from it).

Recognising The Patterns

Self-gaslighting often begins harmlessly, as fleeting moments of uncertainty or self-criticism. "Did I see what I think I saw?" or "Maybe I'm just overreacting" start to seem like old habits. Over time, these doubts accumulate, eroding our trust in our perceptions and judgments. We start second-guessing ourselves in various situations, whether it's in relationships, at work, or in personal endeavors.

The insidious nature of self-gaslighting lies in its ability to cloak itself in rationalizations and justifications. We convince ourselves that we're being realistic, pragmatic, or humble by questioning our thoughts and feelings. However, beneath this veneer of rationality lies a deeper insecurity—a fear of confronting uncomfortable truths about ourselves and the world around us.

Signs and symptoms of self-gaslighting

• You rationalize the improper actions of others.

• You disregard your emotions.

• You are a victim and stuck in your past.

• You believe you are overly sensitive.

• You question yourself constantly.

• You question your memory.

• You convince yourself that the situation isn't so horrible.

• Your subconscious mind is active.

• Blaming yourself always.

Impact of Self-Gaslighting on Mental Health

Self-gaslighting, where individuals internalize and perpetuate gaslighting tactics on themselves, can have profound effects on mental health:

1. Self-Doubt: Constantly questioning one's perceptions and experiences erodes self-trust, leading to feelings of insecurity and self-doubt.

2. Increased Anxiety and Stress: Self-gaslighting often leads to heightened anxiety as individuals grapple with conflicting beliefs about their reality, leading to stress and emotional turmoil.

3. Low Self-Esteem: Continuously invalidating one's feelings and experiences can chip away at self-esteem, leaving individuals feeling unworthy and inadequate.

4. Impaired Decision-Making: Self-gaslighting can impair one's ability to make decisions confidently, as individuals second-guess themselves and fear making the wrong choices.

5. Isolation and Loneliness: Feeling disconnected from one's reality can lead to a sense of isolation, as individuals may struggle to relate to others or seek support due to doubts about the validity of their experiences.

6. Depression: Persistent self-gaslighting can contribute to the development of depression, as individuals internalize negative beliefs about themselves and their worth.

7. Difficulty Setting Boundaries: Self-gaslighting can make it challenging to assert boundaries and advocate for one's needs, as individuals may question whether their boundaries are valid or justified.

8. Maladaptive Coping Mechanisms: Individuals who engage in self-gaslighting may struggle to cope with stress and adversity effectively, as they may invalidate their own emotions and experiences rather than address them constructively.

How to Stop Self-Gaslighting?

1. Cultivate Self-Awareness:

Cultivating self-awareness involves practicing mindfulness to observe thoughts and feelings without judgment. Being vigilant for patterns of self-doubt and self-criticism is key, as recognizing these patterns is the first step toward liberation from self-gaslighting. Through this awareness, individuals can begin to challenge and transcend negative thought patterns, fostering a more compassionate relationship with themselves.

2. Challenge Cognitive Distortions:

To challenge  Cognitive Distortions which are distorted beliefs, it's crucial to question their origins and assess their alignment with personal values and experiences. By replacing negative self-talk with affirmations and compassionate self-dialogue, individuals can cultivate a healthier internal narrative, fostering self-empowerment and resilience.

3. Seek Support:

Seeking support is crucial in overcoming self-gaslighting. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or mental health professionals for perspective and guidance. Surrounding yourself with individuals can help you validate your experiences and encourage your self-expression. Additionally, Online Counselling provides a supportive environment essential for growth and healing.

4. Embrace Imperfection:

Embracing imperfection involves acknowledging that making mistakes and encountering setbacks are natural aspects of life. It involves recognizing that growth and self-discovery frequently emerge from moments of discomfort and uncertainty, serving as catalysts for personal development and resilience.

5. Practice Self-Compassion:

Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness and understanding, particularly during moments of vulnerability. Acknowledge your inherent worthiness, independent of external achievements or validation. Embrace the belief that you deserve love and acceptance simply by being human.

In conclusion, self-gaslighting is a harmful internalized form of manipulation that can have detrimental effects on mental health. By recognizing its signs, and seeking support from the Best Psychologist in India, individuals can break free from the cycle of self-doubt and reclaim their sense of reality and self-worth. It's a journey of empowerment and healing, one that begins with acknowledging our intrinsic value and embracing the courage to challenge negative self-perceptions.

Contribution: Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Clinical Psychologist, life coach & mentor TalktoAngel & Dr Sakshi Kochhar Psychologist