What is Fawn Response in Trauma and People-Pleasing Behavior| Blog

What is Fawn Response in Trauma and People-Pleasing Behavior

May 19 2025 TalktoAngel 0 comments 845 Views

Unlike the more widely recognised fight, flight, or freeze responses, fawning is characterised by an automatic tendency to appease, placate, or submit to others to avoid harm or conflict. This adaptive behaviour often emerges from traumatic experiences, particularly in childhood, and can profoundly shape an individual’s relationships, self-esteem, and emotional well-being. This article explores the fawn response, its roots in trauma, its connection to people-pleasing, and strategies for healing, drawing on psychological research and expert insights.

What Is the Fawn Response?

Coined by therapist Pete Walker in his book Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving (2013), fawning involves hyper-attuning to the needs, emotions, or demands of others to ensure safety. Individuals exhibiting this response may suppress their own needs, opinions, or boundaries to avoid rejection, criticism, or harm.

According to polyvagal theory, developed by Stephen Porges (2011), the body’s nervous system operates in different states to manage safety and threat. The fawn response is associated with the ventral vagal state, where social engagement is used to de-escalate danger. However, in trauma survivors, this response becomes maladaptive, leading to chronic self-abandonment and difficulty asserting personal needs.

For example, a child growing up in a volatile household may learn that agreeing with an abusive parent or caregiver prevents punishment. Over time, this behaviour becomes ingrained, carrying into adulthood as an automatic tendency to prioritise others’ comfort over one’s own.

The Connection to People-Pleasing Behaviour

People-pleasing is a hallmark of the fawn response, often presenting as an overwhelming need to gain approval or avoid conflict. While not all people-pleasers have a trauma history, those with a fawn response typically exhibit people-pleasing behaviours as a direct result of early survival strategies. According to psychotherapist Arielle Schwartz (2021), fawning is a learned behaviour that prioritises external validation over internal authenticity.

Key characteristics of people-pleasing linked to fawning include:

Difficulty Saying No: Individuals may agree to requests or obligations even when they are inconvenient or harmful to their well-being.

Hypervigilance: Fawners are often hyper-aware of others’ moods and needs, anticipating potential conflict and adjusting their behaviour accordingly.

Self-Neglect: Personal desires, boundaries, and emotions are suppressed to maintain harmony or avoid disapproval.

These behaviours often stem from complex trauma, such as prolonged emotional neglect, abuse, or unpredictable caregiving. For instance, a child who receives love only when they meet a parent’s expectations may internalise that their worth depends on pleasing others. This belief persists into adulthood, manifesting as chronic people-pleasing.

The Psychological and Emotional Impact

Chronic fawning erodes self-esteem, as individuals internalise that their needs are unimportant. According to Bessel van der Kolk (2014), author of The Body Keeps the Score, trauma responses like fawning disrupt the ability to form authentic relationships, as individuals struggle to express their true selves.

Fawning also perpetuates a cycle of unhealthy dynamics. People-pleasers may attract narcissistic or controlling individuals who exploit their tendency to prioritise others. This reinforces the fawner’s belief that their role is to serve, further entrenching the trauma response.

Additionally, fawning can manifest physically. The constant stress of hypervigilance and self-suppression activates the body’s stress response, leading to symptoms like chronic fatigue, anxiety, or somatic pain. Research by Sapolsky (2004) on stress physiology highlights how prolonged activation of the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, common in trauma survivors, contributes to these health issues.

Recognising the Fawn Response

Common signs include:

Feeling responsible for others’ emotions or reactions.
Apologising excessively, even when not at fault.
Struggling to express disagreement or set boundaries.
Feeling anxious or guilty when prioritising personal needs.
A pattern of staying in unhealthy relationships to avoid loneliness.

Self-awareness is key, but fawning can be challenging to recognise because it feels normal to those who have relied on it for survival.

Healing from the Fawn Response

Recovery from fawning involves reprogramming the nervous system, rebuilding self-worth, and learning to prioritise personal needs. Below are evidence-based strategies for healing:

Trauma-Informed Therapy: Modalities like Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR), Internal Family Systems (IFS), or somatic experiencing can help process trauma and rewire maladaptive responses. Therapists trained in complex PTSD, such as those following Pete Walker’s framework, can guide individuals in addressing fawning specifically.

Boundary Setting: Learning to say no and assert healthy boundaries is critical. For example, declining an invitation without over-explaining can be a powerful step.

Nervous System Regulation: Practices like mindfulness, yoga, or breathwork can help calm the hypervigilant nervous system. Polyvagal-informed exercises, such as grounding techniques, promote a sense of safety (Porges, 2011).
Self-Compassion: Cultivating self-kindness counteracts the self-criticism common in fawners.
Reconnecting with Authenticity: Exploring personal values, desires, and interests helps rebuild a sense of self. Creative outlets, such as writing or art, can facilitate this process.

Supportive Relationships: Surrounding oneself with people who respect boundaries and encourage authenticity can reinforce healthy dynamics.

Challenges in Healing

Healing from fawning is not linear and may involve discomfort. Setting boundaries, for instance, can trigger guilt or fear of rejection, as the nervous system perceives these actions as threats. Additionally, societal pressures, particularly for women or marginalised groups, often reinforce people-pleasing, making it harder to break free.

Conclusion

The fawn response is a complex trauma reaction that manifests as people-pleasing behaviour, rooted in the need to survive threatening environments. While it may provide short-term safety, chronic fawning undermines self-worth, relationships, and physical health. By understanding its origins and implementing trauma-informed strategies, individuals can reclaim their authenticity and build healthier connections. Healing requires courage, self-compassion, and support, but it offers the promise of a life where one’s needs and voice matter.

Contributed By: Contributed by Dr. (Prof.) R. K. Suri, Clinical Psychologist and Life Coach, &. Mrs. Chanchal Agarwal, Counselling Psychologist.

References

Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W.W. Norton & Company.
Sapolsky, R. M. (2004). Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers: The Acclaimed Guide to Stress, Stress-Related Diseases, and Coping (3rd ed.). Holt Paperbacks.
Schwartz, A. (2021). The Complex PTSD Workbook: A Mind-Body Approach to Regaining Emotional Control and Becoming Whole. Althea Press.
Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin Books.
Walker, P. (2013). Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. Azure Coyote Publishing.