Growing up in North India, where marriage season often garners more preparation than even the changing seasons, it's easy to find oneself preoccupied with thoughts of one's marriage. But is it a marriage that we dream about, or merely a perfect wedding? Many people struggle to differentiate between a wedding and a marriage. While a wedding is a fleeting two-to-three-day event, a marriage is a lifelong commitment. Marriage marks the next phase of one’s life. Yet, we often forget that it is just one of many phases that come and go. It’s not the destination but a part of the journey we call life.

Since everyone’s journey is unique and so is everyone’s pace, why do we expect all to reach this milestone at the same time? Why do we live in a society where individuals over 25 are typecast as "unmarried" rather than simply "single"? Can someone truly "have it all"? Does “having it all” really hinge on the timing of achieving desired happiness? Is timing everything?

Who are we afraid of disappointing if the timing is wrong—ourselves or our families? 

Our modern-day families, in theory, are supportive of our happiness, so where does this unprecedented pressure stem from? We grow up believing we are in a race, where friends, classmates, and colleagues are not peers but competitors. Even though each of us faces different hurdles, society expects us to adhere to the same timeline to achieve our goals. But who sets these expectations?

The larger question is what happens when these expectations are not met. Does failing to meet these expectations alter our lives in significant ways? Does it mean we should stop working towards our goals or even halt living our lives entirely? Does it imply that we should put everything on hold and wait for marriage, even when we have no idea how long this wait might be? Waiting becomes all the more agonizing without a clear timeline. A timeline we’ve set for ourselves, causing undue anxiety and frustration.

Focusing exclusively on one aspect of life, especially one that is beyond our control, prevents us from enjoying other facets of our existence and contributes to unhappiness. This unhappiness can spill over into other relationships, adding layers of anxiety, stress, and even depression. Low self-esteem and feelings of loneliness and isolation are common, and they can significantly impact our emotional well-being. It's crucial to recognize how such stress can affect our overall well-being and relationships, including romantic ones.

In the realm of intimate relationships, this anxiety can manifest in various ways, such as emotional abuse, family problems, and even isolation. Unresolved issues can escalate into couples conflict, necessitating relationship counselling or couples counselling. Addressing these concerns proactively through therapy, including Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and interpersonal therapy, can be beneficial. Online counselling platforms like TalktoAngel offer accessible support from some of the best psychologists in India, assisting in managing dependence, toxic relationships, and low self-esteem.

Moreover, dealing with issues such as cheating and infidelity, divorce, and pre-marital counselling often requires professional guidance to navigate complex emotions and decisions. A supportive environment can aid in overcoming loneliness and feelings of isolation, which might otherwise exacerbate mental health challenges. Therapy can be instrumental in resolving intimacy issues and building stronger, healthier relationships.

The pressure to conform to societal expectations often means we overlook our own needs and aspirations. The focus on marriage as a milestone can overshadow other significant aspects of our lives. By emphasizing self-love and personal growth, we can better manage our anxiety and stress. It’s important to acknowledge that our self-worth is not determined by meeting societal deadlines but by embracing our unique journeys.

In the broader context, this self-imposed pressure can trap us in a cycle of frustration and unhappiness. We might create a cage of uneasy feelings and emotions for ourselves, driven by personal expectations and societal pressures. The key to freeing ourselves from this self-made prison lies in shifting our perspective. The reality is that we hold the power to release ourselves from this confinement. Embracing self-love and appreciating our lives for what they are, rather than what they could be or should be, can transform our outlook.

As Oscar Wilde aptly put it, “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” Embracing this sentiment can guide us in redefining our expectations and finding contentment in our journeys. By focusing on our growth and happiness, rather than conforming to external timelines, we can create a more fulfilling and balanced life.

Ultimately, the key to managing the pressures associated with marriage is to seek support when needed and to remain mindful of our well-being. Engaging in therapy and counselling can provide valuable tools and insights, helping us navigate challenges and build resilience. Whether through relationship counselling, couples conflict resolution, or addressing deeper issues like emotional abuse and toxic relationships, professional support can aid in achieving a healthier and more satisfying life.

By acknowledging and addressing these aspects, we empower ourselves to break free from societal constraints and live authentically, with greater peace and fulfilment.

Conclusion

In navigating the pressures of societal expectations surrounding marriage, it's vital to remember that our journey is unique and cannot be confined to a preset timeline. The fixation on marriage as a milestone can overshadow the rich, multifaceted aspects of life that contribute to our overall happiness. Embracing self-love and personal growth allows us to shift focus from societal pressures to individual fulfilment. By acknowledging and addressing the emotional impacts of unmet expectations through therapy and counselling, we can alleviate stress and build stronger, healthier relationships. Ultimately, finding contentment in our paths and prioritizing our well-being helps us to live more authentically and joyfully. As we redefine our goals and timelines, we empower ourselves to break free from societal constraints and embrace a more balanced and satisfying life.