Modern dating may be confusing, exciting, and—at times—painful. One of the more recent psychological phenomena causing waves in the dating industry is "Ghostlighting." Ghostlighting is a mix of two harmful behaviors: ghosting and gaslighting. It is both emotionally exhausting and manipulative. While each is unpleasant on its own, when combined, they can cause a person to feel entirely disoriented, rejected, and doubt their existence.

In this blog, we’ll break down what Ghostlighting is, how it affects your emotional health, and six important things to keep in mind if you find yourself dealing with it.

What Is Ghostlighting?

Ghostlighting is when someone not only disappears abruptly (ghosting) but also, before disappearing, attempts to manipulate you into questioning your perceptions, feelings, or version of events (gaslighting). It’s when the person subtly distorts the truth, blames you for their disengagement, and makes you feel responsible for their vanishing act, before or after they vanish.

For example, someone might say things like:

• "You're too sensitive, that's why things aren't working."
• "I didn’t say that—you must be imagining things."
• "You're overreacting; we were never that serious."

Then… silence. They stop texting, answering calls, or acknowledging your existence. You're left confused, hurt, and wondering if it was all in your head.

Why Is Ghostlighting So Damaging?

What makes Ghostlighting particularly cruel is that it doesn’t just end a connection—it destabilizes your trust in yourself. You’re not just mourning the end of a relationship; you’re grappling with self-doubt, trying to piece together what happened.

It combines the emotional agony of abandonment (ghosting) with the psychological confusion of manipulation (gaslighting). The emotional aftermath can include:

• Anxiety
• Low self-esteem
• Ruminating thoughts
• Difficulty trusting future partners
• Shame, embarrassment or isolation

But, as awful as Ghostlighting is, acknowledging it is the first step toward healing. Here are six things to keep in mind if you've experienced this behaviour.

1.It’s Not About You—It’s About Them

The first instinct after being ghostlighted is to internalize the experience: “Was I too needy? Too emotional? Did I push them away?”

However, ghostlighting indicates their emotional immaturity rather than your merit.

People who ghostlight are often afraid of confrontation, emotionally unavailable, or incapable of healthy communication. Instead of facing discomfort, they manipulate and run. This is not a reflection of your flaws, but of their inability to navigate honest connection.

2.Confusion Is a Red Flag, Not a Sign to Try Harder

Confusion is one of the most obvious indications of Ghostlighting. You may find yourself trying to “fix” things or win their attention back. However, confusion is not the cornerstone of a strong relationship; rather, it serves as a warning indicator.

A secure connection makes you feel seen, heard, and emotionally safe. If you’re constantly questioning where you stand or replaying conversations to decode their behaviour, it’s likely not love—it’s manipulation.

3.You Are Allowed to Grieve What Didn’t Happen

One of the hardest parts of Ghostlighting is grieving the potential—what you thought the relationship could have been. You might feel silly or ashamed for mourning something that wasn’t “official,” but your feelings are valid.

The emotional investment was real. The connection (even if brief) was real. The manipulation was real. Grieving doesn’t require a title or a timeline—it requires self-compassion.

4.Don’t Try to Get Closure From the Person Who Hurt You

It's normal to want to know why they left. What changed? Was it me?” But seeking closure from someone who ghosted you is like asking someone who broke a window to fix it with a hammer. You're unlikely to find answers and are more likely to be injured again.

Rather than pursuing their explanation, concentrate on your own healing. Closure comes from understanding your own worth, not from someone else’s validation. Sometimes the absence of closure serves as closure.

5.Gaslighting Distorts Your Reality—Reclaim It

Gaslighting works by making you question your emotions, your memory, and your truth. You may find yourself thinking:

• “Maybe I overreacted…”
• “Maybe it was my fault they left…”
• “Maybe I misread everything…”

But you didn’t. If you felt disrespected, manipulated, or emotionally destabilised, that feeling is your truth, and it matters. To heal, you must reclaim your reality:

• Journal your thoughts and experiences
• Talk to trusted friends or a therapist
• Reflect on how you felt, not just what was said

Your emotions are real. Your pain is valid. Don’t let someone else's narrative erase that.

6.Healing Takes Time—but It Will Happen

Ghosting can leave emotional scars, but it doesn’t have to define your dating life. Over time, as you rebuild self-trust and emotional resilience, you’ll start to recognize red flags faster and set healthy boundaries.

A few things that can help in your healing journey:

• Online Therapy: A mental health professional can help you process the experience and rebuild trust in yourself.
• Boundaries: Determine what you will and will not tolerate in future encounters.
• Affirmations: Remind yourself of your worth, especially when doubt creeps in.
• Community: Talk with others who’ve had similar experiences—you’re not alone.

Healing from Ghostlighting is a process. Be patient. You deserve love that is stable, honest, and emotionally safe.

Conclusion: Know Your Worth

In the age of dating apps and emotionally unavailable situationship, Ghostlighting has become an unfortunate reality for many. But that doesn’t mean you have to accept it or let it define your self-image. You deserve more than confusion. You deserve clarity. You deserve more than mixed signals. You deserve emotional honesty. Most of all, you deserve someone who chooses respect over manipulation. If you’ve experienced Ghostlighting, let this be a reminder: You are not broken. You were betrayed by someone who lacked the courage to love responsibly.

Contributed by: Dr (Prof.) R K Suri, Clinical Psychologist & Life Coach, & Ms. Riya Rathi, Counselling Psychologist

References

• Lee, B. Y. (2023, July?24). The doubly troubling phenomenon of Ghostlighting. Psychology Today. 

• London, B. (2025, July?23). Forget ghosting or gaslighting: “Ghostlighting” is the alarming new dating trend you need to know about. The Economic Times. 

• India Today Group. (2025, July?25). What is Ghostlighting: The new toxic dating trend you need to know about. Times of India. 

• London, B. (2025, July?25). First they loved you, then ghosted you, now they gaslight you: “Welcome to Ghostlighting”, Gen?Z’s new relationship red flag. The Economic Times. 

• Glamour UK. (n.d.). Ghostlighting: The troubling dating trend you need to look out for. Glamour UK.