Love is a multifaceted feeling that cuts across gender, cultural norms, and individual experiences. While it is true that everyone, regardless of gender, feels and experiences love in deeply personal ways, societal norms and expectations often shape how men perceive and express love. Men, like women, desire connection, affection, and intimacy, but they may approach these feelings differently due to various factors such as upbringing, cultural influences, and individual personality.

This blog explores how men perceive love, what love means to them, and the different ways men express and respond to love.

1.  Men Value Emotional Connection

Contrary to stereotypes that suggest men are more focused on the physical aspects of relationships, many men value emotional connection and intimacy just as much, if not more, than women. While men may not always verbalize their feelings or emotions as frequently as women, they deeply appreciate emotional closeness and the security it brings to a relationship.

Men frequently show their love with deeds rather than words. They may show love by being supportive, providing for their partner, or making sacrifices for the relationship. These gestures are ways men communicate their commitment and affection, even if they don’t always articulate their feelings verbally. For many men, love is about being there for their partner and ensuring that their loved ones feel safe and cared for.

2.  The Importance of Respect

One key component of how men perceive love is the role of respect in relationships. Respect is crucial for men to feel valued and appreciated in a romantic relationship. They often see respect as a fundamental expression of love. Men want to know that their partner admires and respects them for who they are, including their values, work ethic, and the roles they play within the relationship. When a man feels respected by his partner, he is more likely to feel secure in the relationship and open to showing his vulnerability. On the other hand, when respect is lacking, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy or emotional withdrawal. This lack of respect can contribute to anxiety about the relationship and may even increase the likelihood of a breakup if unresolved, as one partner may begin to feel undervalued or unloved.

3.   Acts of Service and Protection

For many men, love is intertwined with the desire to protect and provide for their partner. This instinct is deeply rooted in both biology and cultural conditioning. Men often express love by taking on responsibilities and ensuring that their loved ones are taken care of—whether it’s through financial support, solving problems, or offering physical protection. Often called "acts of service," this component of love is one of the five love languages described by Dr. Gary Chapman. Men may not always say, "I love you," but they will go out of their way to fix things, help with chores, or do tasks that make life easier for their partner. These actions are often their way of demonstrating their commitment and care. However, when there are couples conflicts, such as disagreements over roles or unmet expectations, these acts of service may be misinterpreted or go unnoticed, leading to frustration or misunderstandings. Moreover, dating concerns—such as the fear of not being enough for their partner—can make a man’s efforts to serve or protect feel insufficient if not reciprocated or acknowledged.

4.  Physical Intimacy as a Form of Love

Physical touch and intimacy are also important ways men perceive and express love. For many men, physical connection is not just about desire but is also a key way of bonding with their partner. Physical intimacy, whether through affection, hugs, or sex, allows men to feel close, valued, and connected. In relationships, men may seek physical intimacy as a way of expressing their emotions, especially when they find it difficult to put their feelings into words. Physical closeness becomes a language of love that conveys their affection and emotional connection. However, if there is emotional anxiety or unresolved conflict in the relationship, physical intimacy might be affected. Issues such as breakups or couples conflict can create barriers to physical closeness, as both partners may feel distant or disconnected from each other emotionally, which then reflects in their physical connection. When communication falters, men may struggle to express love through touch, resulting in feelings of isolation or frustration.

5.  Vulnerability in Love

Although men are often perceived as less emotional or more stoic, love brings out vulnerability in them. Being in love can be one of the few spaces where men feel comfortable letting down their guard and showing their true selves. In healthy, loving relationships, men feel safe enough to express their fears, insecurities, and dreams without judgment.

6.  The Role of Commitment

Commitment is another major factor in how men perceive love. For many men, love isn’t just about passion or romance; it’s about building a long-term partnership based on loyalty, trust, and dedication. Men often see love as a commitment to their partner's happiness and well-being, which includes being dependable in the relationship.

7.  Love and Self-Worth

Love can significantly influence how men perceive themselves. When a man feels loved and supported, it boosts his self-esteem and sense of self-worth. Men often derive a sense of purpose and fulfillment from being able to care for and nurture their partners. In turn, this validation strengthens their identity and encourages them to continue being a loving, devoted partner.

On the flip side, feeling unloved or unappreciated can negatively affect a man’s self-esteem, leading to emotional withdrawal or a lack of engagement in the relationship. It’s important for both partners to communicate openly and show appreciation for each other to maintain a healthy dynamic.

The Challenges Men Face in Expressing Love

Men often struggle to express love due to societal norms that teach them to be strong and unemotional. This can lead to misunderstandings in relationships, with their silence sometimes seen as indifference, causing feelings of loneliness. Men also face pressure to balance being providers while remaining emotionally vulnerable, which can create dependence on their partner for emotional support. When this pressure builds, it may lead to toxic relationships where emotional needs go unmet. To overcome this, both partners must create a safe space for open communication, allowing love and affection to be expressed freely without fear of judgment.

Conclusion

Love is an essential and transformative experience for men, just as it is for women. Men perceive love through emotional connection, respect, acts of service, physical intimacy, and commitment. While societal expectations can sometimes make it harder for men to openly express their feelings, they deeply value love and the sense of purpose it brings to their lives.

To develop a healthy, loving relationship, it’s important to recognize and appreciate how men express love in different ways, whether through words, actions, or physical closeness. By understanding these expressions of love, both partners can create a stronger bond based on mutual respect, support, and open communication. If challenges arise in understanding each other or communicating effectively, online counseling can provide valuable guidance. Platforms like TalktoAngel offer easy access to the best psychologists in India, specializing in relationship counseling, to help couples strengthen their connection and navigate relationship dynamics with professional support.

Contribution: Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Clinical Psychologist, life coach & mentor TalktoAngel & Ms Sakshi Dhankar, Counselling Psychologist.

References:

• Chapman, G. (1995). The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Northfield Publishing.
• Levant, R. F. (1995). A New Psychology of Men. Basic Books.
• Gottman, J. M. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert. Harmony Books.