How to Stop Rationalising Your Feelings

November 30 2024 TalktoAngel 0 comments 264 Views

Rationalizing our feelings is a common behavior where we justify or explain our emotions in a way that makes them seem more acceptable. While it can provide temporary relief, this habit often prevents us from truly understanding and processing our emotions. In this blog, we’ll explore what rationalization is, why we do it, and how we can stop this cycle to lead a more authentic and emotionally aware life.

What Is Rationalization?

Rationalization is a defense mechanism that involves creating logical explanations for feelings or behaviors that may be uncomfortable or difficult to accept. For instance, if you feel anxiety about a social situation, you might rationalize your feelings by saying, "I just don’t like small talk." This allows you to avoid confronting the root cause of your stress or anxiety.

While rationalization can protect us from negative emotions, it can also hinder personal growth. It prevents us from fully experiencing our feelings and understanding the underlying issues that contribute to them. This avoidance can also worsen feelings of anger, low motivation, or lack of direction, preventing self-improvement and the achievement of your goal setting.

Why Do We Rationalize Our Feelings?

1. Fear of Vulnerability: One of the primary reasons people rationalize their feelings is a fear of being vulnerable. Emotions can be intense and overwhelming. By rationalizing, we shield ourselves from the pain associated with those feelings. Brené Brown, a researcher on vulnerability, emphasizes that being vulnerable is essential for true connection and understanding (Brown, 2012).

2. Desire for Control: Emotions can sometimes feel chaotic, and rationalizing them gives us a sense of control. Instead of admitting that we feel anger or sadness, we might say, "I’m just stressed about work," which makes our emotions seem more manageable. However, this can lead to suppressed feelings that eventually bubble up in other ways, potentially causing interpersonal issues or even unhealthy patterns in relationships.

3. Social Conditioning: Society often teaches us that expressing certain emotions, like sadness or stress, is a sign of weakness. This conditioning can lead us to rationalize feelings instead of addressing them openly. We may feel the need to appear strong or composed, avoiding the natural human experience of vulnerability.

4. Fear of Judgment: Concern about how others perceive our feelings can also drive rationalization. We might worry that others will judge us for our emotions, leading us to downplay or rationalize them. This can create a cycle where we continue to avoid dealing with our true feelings.

How to Stop Rationalizing Your Feelings

1. Acknowledge Your Emotions: The first step in stopping rationalization is to acknowledge your feelings without judgment. Take a moment to identify what you’re feeling and accept that it’s okay to experience those emotions. For this procedure, journaling might be a useful tool. This can create clarity and allow you to confront your emotions directly.

2. Practice Mindfulness: Being mindful entails monitoring your emotions and thoughts objectively while being in the present. Practicing mindfulness can help you recognize when you are rationalizing your feelings. Techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can be effective in cultivating mindfulness (Kabat-Zinn, 1990).

3. Challenge Your Thoughts: When you catch yourself rationalizing, challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself questions like:

Is this thought based on reality?
What evidence do I have for this feeling?
How would I feel if I acknowledged this emotion instead of rationalizing it?

By examining your thought patterns, you can begin to understand the root of your feelings and address them more authentically.

4. Talk to Someone: Sharing your feelings with someone you trust can provide perspective and validation. Sometimes, just voicing your emotions can help you process them better. Consider talking to a friend, family member, or therapist who can support you in navigating your feelings without judgment.

5. Allow Yourself to Feel: Permit yourself to experience your emotions fully. Feelings like sadness, anger, or fear are acceptable. Allowing yourself to feel these emotions can lead to deeper understanding and eventual healing. Research shows that processing emotions can lead to greater emotional resilience (Tugade et al., 2004). Remember, by fully experiencing your emotions, you nurture your self-esteem and develop a healthier emotional foundation.

6. Focus on Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding when dealing with difficult emotions. Recognize that everyone experiences tough feelings and that it’s a normal part of being human. Self-compassion can help you face your emotions with less fear and more acceptance (Neff, 2011).

7. Engage in Creative Expression: Sometimes, expressing your feelings through art, writing, or music can help you process emotions without rationalizing them. Creative outlets allow you to explore your feelings safely and constructively.

Conclusion

Rationalizing your feelings may provide temporary relief, but it can prevent you from fully understanding and processing your emotions. By acknowledging your feelings, practicing mindfulness, challenging your thoughts, talking to someone, allowing yourself to feel, focusing on self-compassion, and engaging in creative expression, you can stop the cycle of rationalization.

Embracing your emotions can lead to greater emotional health and authenticity. Remember, it's okay to feel deeply. Allowing yourself to experience and process your emotions is a vital step towards personal growth and emotional well-being. If you’re finding it difficult to navigate these emotions on your own, seeking support is a healthy choice. Online counselling services like TalktoAngel provide accessible, professional guidance, and connecting with the best psychologist in India can help you develop the tools to better understand and manage your emotions.

Contribution: Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Clinical Psychologist, life coach & mentor TalktoAngel & Ms Sakshi Dhankar, Counselling Psychologist.

References

Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Gotham Books.
Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness. Delacorte Press.
Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow.
Tugade, M. M., Fredrickson, B. L., & Barrett, L. F. (2004). "Psychological Resilience and Positive Emotion." Current Directions in Psychological Science, 13(3), 88-92.