Marital connections are among the most significant ones in life. Though love, trust, and understanding are its foundation, even the healthiest relationships can encounter difficulties, particularly when it comes to decision-making. Every couple, at some point, encounters decisions that impact their lives, from small everyday choices to major life-changing decisions. Learning how to make decisions together is a crucial aspect of building a healthy, harmonious relationship.

Here are some tips for improving decision-making in a marriage:

Open Communication is Key

Having open communication is one of the first steps towards enhancing decision-making. Both sides must experience understanding and being heard. Open communication between a couple increases the likelihood that they will come to decisions that benefit them both.

Here’s how you can practice open communication:

• Actively Listen: Don't simply wait for your turn to talk. Focus on what your spouse is saying, ask questions, and show empathy. This helps reduce stress by creating a more supportive and connected conversation.

• Express Clearly: Clearly state your desires and emotions. Avoid making assumptions about your partner or assuming they are aware of your thoughts. Clear expression helps prevent misunderstandings and unnecessary anxiety.

• Stay Calm: Try to keep emotions in check during difficult conversations. It's normal to feel frustrated or emotional, but a calm discussion will lead to better outcomes.

Understand Each Other’s Values

Every individual brings their own set of values, beliefs, and priorities to a marriage. These values can shape how they approach decisions, big or small. When couples have a deep understanding of each other’s values, decision-making becomes smoother.

• Discuss What Matters Most: Take time to talk about what is truly important to each of you. It could be family, career, finances, health, or personal growth.

• Respect Differences: You may not always agree with your partner’s priorities, but respecting their values is key to making decisions that honour both perspectives.

Practice Compromise

A happy marriage is based in large part on compromise. It's acceptable if you can't always agree on everything. Many arguments can be avoided from turning into more serious confrontations by learning to compromise.

Here’s how to practice healthy compromise:

• Be Flexible: It’s essential to be open to adjusting your preferences when necessary. Flexibility allows both partners to feel satisfied with the outcome.

• Create a Win-Win Situation: Instead of one person getting their way while the other gives in, look for solutions where both parties feel they’ve gained something.

Consider the Bigger Picture

Sometimes, couples get caught up in the moment, arguing over details without considering the bigger picture. It’s helpful to step back and think about how a decision fits into your long-term goals as a couple.

Here are some questions to ask yourselves:

• Is this decision in line with our shared goal setting?

• Will this matter a year from now?

• How will this impact our relationship in the long run?

By taking a step back and focusing on the bigger picture, couples can avoid unnecessary conflicts and make decisions that benefit their future.

Make Decisions Together

It’s important to involve both partners in decision-making, especially for major life choices. When one partner feels left out, it can lead to feelings of resentment. Even if one partner is more skilled in certain areas (e.g., finances or planning), both should have a say in the final decision.

Steps to ensure both are involved:

• Share Responsibilities: Take turns handling certain decisions, or divide tasks based on strengths but still discuss the overall plan together.

• Seek Input: Always ask for your partner’s thoughts, even if you believe they might not be interested in the particular topic. This reinforces that their opinion matters and boosts self-esteem and assertiveness in the relationship.

Manage Conflicts Respectfully

It’s natural to have disagreements, but how you handle them can either strengthen or weaken your marriage. If a decision leads to a disagreement, managing the conflict with respect is essential.

Here are some tips for managing conflicts respectfully:

Pay Attention to the Problem, Not the Person: Steer clear of insulting others or bringing up irrelevant old grievances.

• Take a Break: If things get too heated, it’s okay to take a break and revisit the discussion later when both are calmer.

• Apologize When Necessary: If things go wrong, and hurtful words are said, be quick to apologize and make amends.

Be Patient and Give Time

Decision-making in a marriage takes time, especially when you’re learning to navigate different opinions and preferences. Patience with each other during the process is key to finding solutions that work for both of you.

Practice these habits to cultivate patience:

• Don’t Rush: It’s tempting to make decisions quickly, but taking time to weigh your options leads to better outcomes, fostering both self-improvement and mutual understanding.

• Allow Space for Reflection: Give each other time to think about the decision and process feelings before jumping to conclusions. Practicing mindfulness can help both partners reflect calmly and make thoughtful choices.

How Couples Counseling and a Best Psychologist Can Help

Sometimes, despite the best efforts, couples struggle with decision-making. This can lead to recurring conflicts and stress in the marriage. In such cases, couples counselling can be extremely beneficial.

A professional psychologist can help couples:

• Improve Communication: Counseling helps couples learn how to express themselves more effectively and understand each other’s perspectives.

• Identify Underlying Issues: Often, recurring decision-making problems stem from unresolved issues in the relationship. A psychologist can help uncover these deeper concerns.

• Learn Conflict Resolution Techniques: Counselors provide strategies for managing disagreements without harming the relationship.

• Develop Shared Goals: A psychologist can assist couples in clarifying their shared vision for the future, making it easier to make decisions together.

Conclusion

Improving decision-making in your marriage requires open communication, respect, compromise, and patience. By understanding each other’s values and working together as a team, couples can make better choices that strengthen their relationship. When challenges arise, seeking guidance from online counselling or the best psychologist in India can provide the tools needed to navigate difficult decisions successfully. With time and effort, decision-making can become a way to bring you closer together rather than create conflict.

Contribution: Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Clinical Psychologist, life coach & mentor TalktoAngel & Ms Swati Yadav, Counselling Psychologist.

References

• Jan, Muzamil & Akhter, Shubeena. (2008). An Analysis of Decision Making Power among Married and Unmarried Women. International Journal for Studies on Home and Community Science. 2. DOI:10.1080/09737189.2008.11885251
• Olena Koval (2020): Decision-Making in Couples: It Takes Two to Tango https://uis.brage.unit.no/uis-xmlui/bitstream/handle/11250/2684182/Olena_Koval_PhD.pdf?sequence=1