Online dating has transformed the way we form connections, offering countless opportunities to meet potential partners. However, with the advent of dating apps, a variety of trends have emerged—some positive, others problematic. Among these is kittenfishing, a term used to describe presenting oneself in a slightly misleading manner on dating profiles. Unlike catfishing, where someone pretends to be an entirely different person, kittenfishing involves subtle exaggerations or tweaks, such as outdated photos, edited images, or embellished achievements. While kittenfishing may seem harmless, its roots often lie in deeper issues related to body image and self-worth. This blog explores the psychological underpinnings of kittenfishing, its impact on online dating culture, and ways to build healthier relationships with ourselves and others.

What is Kittenfishing?

Kittenfishing involves enhancing or misrepresenting aspects of oneself to appear more attractive on dating apps. Examples include:

• Using heavily filtered or old photos that don’t reflect one’s current appearance.
• Exaggerating height, weight, or fitness levels.
• Portraying a lifestyle that isn’t entirely authentic (e.g., borrowing luxury items for photos).
• While some may view these actions as minor adjustments, they often reflect deeper insecurities about being judged for who they truly are.

The Role of Body Image in Kittenfishing

The term "body image" describes how people feel, think, and interpret their physical appearance. In the hyper-visual world of dating apps, where swiping is often based on first impressions, body image plays a significant role.

1. Societal Pressures and Unrealistic Beauty Standards

Dating apps amplify societal pressures to conform to idealized standards of beauty. Edited photos, curated feeds, and influencer culture create a false narrative of perfection that many feel compelled to emulate. This constant comparison can lead to body dissatisfaction, making users feel inadequate or unworthy of love and attention.

2. Fear of Rejection

For many, kittenfishing stems from a fear of being rejected for not meeting perceived standards of attractiveness. This fear is often tied to low self-esteem and the belief that their authentic selves aren’t enough to secure meaningful connections.

3. Validation-Seeking Behavior

When individuals receive positive reinforcement for their altered profiles (e.g., more matches or compliments), it can create a cycle of relying on inauthenticity for self-worth. Over time, this dependency can erode confidence and deepen feelings of inadequacy.

The Connection Between Self-Worth and Online Dating

Self-worth, or how individuals value themselves, significantly influences their approach to dating apps. When someone’s sense of self-worth is tied to external validation, they may be more likely to engage in kittenfishing.

1. External Validation vs. Internal Confidence

Relying on dating apps for validation can make self-worth fragile, as it becomes contingent on the approval of others. A lack of matches or perceived rejection can feel like a personal failure, exacerbating insecurities.

2. The Effect of Being Dishonest on Self-Worth

Kittenfishing may offer short-term boosts in confidence, but it often leads to anxiety and guilt when meeting someone in person. The fear of being “found out” can harm self-esteem and undermine the foundation for genuine connections.

3. Authenticity as a Foundation for Healthy Relationships

True self-worth comes from embracing authenticity. When individuals feel secure in who they are, they’re less likely to feel the need to embellish or misrepresent themselves. This confidence fosters more meaningful and honest relationships.

Overcoming Kittenfishing: Building Self-Worth and Body Positivity

Breaking free from kittenfishing and cultivating a positive relationship with oneself requires intentional effort. Consider the following steps:

1. Shift the Focus to Authenticity

2. Limit Comparison

3. Practice Self-Compassion

4. Seek Support

5. Redefine Success in Dating

The Role of the Dating App Industry

While individual actions are important, dating apps also have a role to play in promoting authenticity and combating the pressures that fuel kittenfishing. Features such as encouraging users to upload unfiltered photos, promoting body positivity campaigns, and offering tools for self-reflection can help create a healthier online dating environment. These initiatives can help reduce stress related to unrealistic expectations and foster a space where people feel safe to embrace their true selves.

Conclusion

Kittenfishing is more than a harmless exaggeration; it reflects the complexities of body image and self-worth in a society that often prioritizes appearances over authenticity. The pressure to present a curated version of oneself can contribute to anger, depression, and stress, which affect not just self-image but also mental well-being. By fostering a positive self-image and valuing honesty, both individuals and the online dating community can create spaces that celebrate real connections. Ultimately, the key to avoiding kittenfishing lies in embracing your true self. Authenticity not only enhances your self-worth but also paves the way for deeper, more meaningful relationships. So, swipe with confidence and let the real you shine!

Contribution: Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Clinical Psychologist, life coach & mentor TalktoAngel & Ms Srishti Jain, Counselling Psychologist.

References

• Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. Gotham Books.
• Cash, T. F. (2012). Cognitive-behavioral perspectives on body image. In T. F. Cash & L. Smolak (Eds.), Body image: A handbook of science, practice, and prevention (2nd ed., pp. 39–47). Guilford Press.
• Finkel, E. J., Eastwick, P. W., Karney, B. R., Reis, H. T., & Sprecher, S. (2012). Online dating: A critical analysis from the perspective of psychological science. Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 13(1), 3–66. https://doi.org/10.1177/1529100612436522
• Rosenberg, M. (1965). Society and the adolescent self-image. Princeton University Press.
• Toma, C. L., & Hancock, J. T. (2010). Looks and lies: The role of physical attractiveness in online dating self-presentation and deception. Communication Research, 37(3), 335–351. https://doi.org/10.1177/0093650209356437
• Wolf, N. (1991). The beauty myth: How images of beauty are used against women. HarperCollins.