Limerence is a psychological state characterized by intense, obsessive feelings for someone, often accompanied by the desire for reciprocation. Unlike typical attraction, limerence can become all-consuming, leading to emotional distress, confusion, and an inability to focus on anything else. If you’re dealing with limerence, you're not alone. Many people experience these overwhelming feelings, but the good news is that overcoming limerence is possible. With patience and the right approach, you can regain emotional stability and move forward.

1.  Acknowledge and Understand Limerence

The first step in overcoming limerence is recognizing it for what it is. Limerence differs from love in that it is often one-sided and marked by obsessive thinking, idealization of the object of affection, and emotional highs and lows. It's important to accept that limerence is not "true love" but rather a psychological state driven by intense emotional desire.

According to Tennov (1979), the researcher who coined the term "limerence," it is marked by obsessive thoughts and feelings of infatuation that interfere with daily functioning. Recognizing these symptoms allows you to acknowledge that your emotional responses are linked to limerence and not an idealized reality.

2.  Establish Healthy Boundaries

Once you've identified that you’re experiencing limerence, the next step is to set boundaries with the person you're fixated on. This could mean limiting contact or avoiding situations where you're likely to see them. Social media, in particular, can exacerbate limerence, as you might continuously check up on them, leading to more obsessive thoughts.

Research by Green, Yoon, and Stiles (2021) highlights the importance of healthy boundary-setting in emotional regulation. Limiting interactions with the person who is the object of your limerence can reduce obsessive thinking and give you the emotional space you need to heal. While it may feel difficult at first, creating distance helps you gain perspective and reduces the emotional intensity of your feelings.

3.  Challenge Idealization of the Person

Limerence often involves idealizing the person you're infatuated with, seeing them as flawless and perfect. This unrealistic perception can make it difficult to move on. To combat this, challenge your idealization by focusing on the person’s imperfections.

Baumeister and Bratslavsky (2001) explain that idealization often leads to disappointment when reality doesn't match the fantasy. Take some time to write down both the positive and negative qualities of the person you're fixated on. Remind yourself that no one is perfect, and viewing them through a more realistic lens can help reduce the emotional grip they have on you.

4.  Redirect Your Energy

When you're consumed by limerence, it's easy to neglect other aspects of your life, such as your hobbies, career, relationships, and job performance. Redirect your energy into activities that nourish you and bring you joy. This can help you regain a sense of self and reduce your focus on the object of your affection.

According to Lyubomirsky et al. (2005), engaging in pleasurable activities and investing in meaningful relationships helps boost emotional well-being. This redirection of energy not only helps shift your focus but also promotes a healthier, more balanced lifestyle. Consider taking up a new hobby, returning to a passion you once enjoyed, or spending more time with supportive friends and family. These positive distractions will help you regain control over your emotions.

5.  Focus on Self-Care and Healing

Overcoming limerence requires emotional healing, which can be supported through self-care. Self-care practices that focus on mental, emotional, and physical well-being can significantly reduce the intensity of limerence.

Some helpful self-care practices include:

• Mindfulness and Meditation: These techniques, which involve focusing on the present moment, can help manage obsessive thoughts and anger issues and reduce anxiety. Kabat-Zinn (1990) found that mindfulness practices improve emotional regulation and reduce stress.

• Physical Exercise: Engaging in regular exercise can improve your mood by releasing endorphins and reducing stress, which is vital when you're dealing with the emotional challenges of limerence.
• Adequate Sleep and Nutrition: Sleep deprivation and poor nutrition can exacerbate emotional distress. Ensuring you're well-rested and eating a balanced diet can improve your mood and overall emotional resilience.

Seek Professional Help

If your limerence is overwhelming and interfering with your ability to function, it might be time to seek professional therapy. A therapist can help you explore the emotional and psychological roots of your limerence, as well as guide you through strategies to regain emotional balance.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is an effective treatment for overcoming obsessive thoughts associated with limerence. According to Beck (2011), CBT helps individuals identify and change negative thought patterns, providing them with tools to reduce obsessive thinking and improve emotional regulation. A trained Best therapist can help you develop healthier coping mechanisms and challenge the underlying beliefs that fuel your limerence.

Give Yourself Time to Heal

Healing from limerence doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s important to be patient with yourself. Understand that overcoming these intense feelings is a process, and emotional healing takes time. According to Freeman and Reist (2020), emotional recovery is gradual, and it’s essential to allow yourself the time to heal and rebuild your emotional strength. Be kind to yourself during this time and recognize that it's okay to have setbacks. Each step you take, no matter how small, brings you closer to emotional freedom.

Conclusion

Limerence is a powerful and intense emotional experience, but with the right tools and strategies, it is possible to move on and regain control over your emotional and physical health. Recognizing limerence, setting boundaries, challenging idealization, redirecting energy, and practising self-care are all effective ways to heal from limerence. If necessary, seeking professional online counselling can provide the guidance and support you need to break free from obsessive thoughts and regain emotional stability. Remember, healing takes time. Be patient with yourself and trust that, with persistence, you will eventually find emotional balance and a healthier approach to relationships.

Contribution: Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Clinical Psychologist, life coach & mentor TalktoAngel & Ms.  Tanu Sangwan, Counselling Psychologist.

References

• Baumeister, R. F., & Bratslavsky, E. (2001). The role of self-esteem in the regulation of aggression. Psychological Science, 12(6), 488-493.
• Beck, A. T. (2011). Cognitive Therapy: Basics and Beyond. The Guilford Press.
• Freeman, T., & Reist, D. (2020). Emotional Healing: A Practical Guide to Understanding and Managing Your Feelings. Wiley.
• Green, E., Yoon, S., & Stiles, M. (2021). The effects of setting boundaries in managing obsessive thoughts. Journal of Emotional Regulation, 16(3), 245-259.