Arranged marriages have been a way of finding partners in many cultures for a very long time. People have different opinions about them, some good and some bad. Thus, it's critical to comprehend them completely to obtain a comprehensive viewpoint.

What is an Arranged Marriage?

In an arranged marriage, the couples' families choose the partners for the union rather than the individuals being married. This practice can vary widely, from fully arranged marriages where the couple has little say in the decision, to semi-arranged ones where the couple has the final say after initial introductions are made by their families.

Pros of Arranged Marriage

• Family Support

One of the most significant advantages of arranged marriages is the strong family support that comes with them. Families often know their children’s needs better and can select partners who align with their values, beliefs, and lifestyle. This familial backing can create a solid foundation for the marriage.

• Cultural and Religious Compatibility

Arranged marriages often prioritize cultural and religious compatibility. Couples selected through this method are likely to share similar backgrounds, traditions, and values, which can reduce potential conflicts. This shared understanding can foster a deeper connection and mutual respect.

• Lower Expectations

Expectations for the couple in many arranged weddings could be simpler than in love marriages. Couples may approach their union with a mindset focused on partnership and collaboration rather than idealized romance. This can lead to healthier, more pragmatic relationships.

• Focus on Long-term Commitment

In many arranged marriages, enduring commitment is valued above short-term relationships. This focus can lead to couples developing a sense of duty and responsibility towards each other, which can strengthen their bond over time. Growing together, they might discover affection for one another.

• Reduced Pressure to Date

For individuals who feel uncomfortable navigating the dating scene, arranged marriages can alleviate that pressure. Families take on the responsibility of finding suitable matches, allowing individuals to concentrate on other aspects of their lives, like education and career.

Cons of Arranged Marriage

• Lack of Personal Choice

Lack of personal choice is one of the most frequently mentioned drawbacks of arranged marriages. Many individuals feel that they should have the autonomy to select their partners based on personal feelings and desires, rather than familial or societal pressure. Feelings of bitterness and sadness may result from this lack of autonomy.

•  Potential for Mismatched Values

Even with families selecting partners based on compatibility, there can still be mismatches in values or lifestyles. Differences in personality, interests, or life goals might not be apparent during the initial meetings, leading to challenges later in the marriage.

• Pressure to Conform

There can be a lot of pressure to live up to family expectations in arranged marriages. This can be especially challenging if one or both partners wish to pursue a different path in life, whether it be career choices or personal aspirations. The desire to please family can sometimes overshadow personal happiness.

• Limited Emotional Connection

Love marriages often allow partners to develop a deep emotional connection before tying the knot. In contrast, arranged marriages may start without that emotional bond, leading to challenges in intimacy and emotional understanding. Couples may need more time to cultivate feelings of love and affection.

• Stigma and Cultural Expectations

In some cultures, there is a stigma attached to individuals who choose not to participate in arranged marriages. This societal pressure can create a sense of obligation to conform, leading to feelings of being trapped or constrained by cultural norms.

How a Marriage Counselor Can Help Navigate Arranged Marriages

Marriage counselling can be particularly beneficial for couples in arranged marriages, where cultural expectations and personal preferences may sometimes conflict. A marriage counsellor offers a haven where spouses may talk about issues specific to their situation, improve communication, and explore their feelings.

1. Understanding Cultural Context

A counsellor can help couples navigate the cultural dynamics that often accompany arranged marriages. This may include:

• Exploring Family Expectations: Understanding how family values shape their relationship.
• Encouraging open dialogue: Talking about cultural customs and how they affect the couple's lives.

2. Enhancing Communication Skills

Effective communication is vital for any relationship, especially for couples who may not have had the opportunity to develop it before marriage. Counsellors teach techniques such as:

• Active Listening: Assuring that each partner feels heard and understood.
• Using "I" Statements: Promoting non-confrontational expressions of feelings.

3. Building Emotional Intimacy

In arranged marriages, partners may struggle to connect on a deeper emotional level. Counsellors can guide couples in:

• Sharing Personal Stories: Encouraging vulnerability to foster intimacy.
• Setting Aside Time for Each Other: Creating opportunities for bonding outside of daily responsibilities.

4. Conflict Resolution

Marital counsellors provide couples with the skills they need to resolve their couple conflicts calmly. This includes:

• Identifying Patterns of Conflict: Helping couples recognize recurring issues in their interactions.
• Developing Problem-Solving Strategies: Teaching effective methods to resolve disputes without escalating tensions.

How Does Marriage Counseling Work?

The goal of marriage therapy is to strengthen relationships by using a variety of therapeutic approaches systematically. It typically involves several stages, each designed to help couples communicate better and address underlying issues.

1. Initial Assessment

The counselling process usually begins with an initial assessment where the counsellor gathers information about the couple's relationship, including:

• Background History
• Current Challenges
• Goals for Counseling

2. Establishing Ground Rules

A counsellor often sets ground rules to create a respectful and safe environment for discussions. These may include:

• Confidentiality
• Respectful Communication

3. Teaching Communication Techniques

Couples get advice from counsellors on how to communicate better:

• Active Listening
• Expressing Needs Clearly

4. Identifying Negative Patterns

Counsellors help couples recognize harmful patterns in their interactions, such as:

• Recurring Arguments
• Communication Barriers

5. Exploring Solutions

Counsellors facilitate discussions about potential solutions to the identified issues. This collaborative effort helps couples:

• Brainstorm Together
• Goals setting

6. Homework Assignments

To reinforce skills learned in therapy, counsellors may assign tasks for couples to complete between sessions. These assignments can include:

• Practising Communication Skills
• Spending Quality Time Together

7. Follow-up and Progress Tracking

Regular follow-up sessions allow counsellors to monitor progress and adjust strategies as needed. This ongoing support helps maintain momentum and encourages couples to stay committed to their relationship goals.

Conclusion

Arranged marriages have both benefits and drawbacks. They provide family support and emphasize long-term commitment but may limit personal freedom and lead to value mismatches. The success of any marriage, whether arranged or based on love, relies on the partners' commitment, communication, and respect. As society changes, the approach to arranged marriages will adapt to blend tradition with modern needs. 

Online counselling can help couples, especially in arranged marriages, by improving communication, emotional closeness, and conflict resolution, helping them address challenges and strengthen their connection. Engaging with the best psychologist in India, like TalktoAngel, can provide invaluable support in navigating interpersonal problems, low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and issues related to intimacy, loneliness, and dependency. Techniques such as mindfulness can also enhance emotional well-being, contributing to healthier relationships.

Contribution: Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Clinical Psychologist, life coach & mentor TalktoAngel & Ms Swati Yadav, Counselling Psychologist.

References

• Bhasin, K. (2018). Arranged Marriage: A Cross-Cultural Perspective. 
• Kaur, S. (2016). "Exploring the Pros and Cons of Arranged Marriages." International Journal of Sociology and Anthropology, 8(2), 20-25.
• Sharma, A. (2020). "Marriage Counseling for Arranged Marriages: Bridging Cultural Gaps." Journal of Family Therapy, 42(3), 345-360.
• Bennett, M. (2015). "Emotional Intimacy in Arranged Marriages: How to Build Connections." Psychology Today.