A vital ability that enables people to control their emotional reactions to a range of life circumstances is emotional regulation. For children, learning how to regulate emotions is essential not only for their social development but also for their mental health and academic success. When children are equipped with the ability to identify, understand, and manage their emotions, they are better able to cope with stress, interact positively with others, and make thoughtful decisions.

There is no one-size-fits-all method for teaching children how to control their emotions. It calls for perseverance, comprehension, and regular practice. Fortunately, there are several simple yet effective strategies that parents, teachers, and caregivers can use to help children develop emotional regulation skills. 

1.  Model Emotional Regulation

One of the most effective ways to teach children emotional regulation is by modelling it yourself. Children are good observers and frequently imitate the actions of the people in their environment. When you demonstrate healthy emotional responses, such as staying calm during stressful situations or appropriately expressing your feelings, your child learns how to handle their own emotions by observing you. For example, if you are feeling frustrated or upset, try verbalizing your emotions calmly: “I’m feeling frustrated right now because we are running late, but I’m going to take a breath deeply and maintain your composure. In addition to normalizing feelings, this teaches your child the value of managing them healthily.

2.  Use Simple Language to Label Emotions

Children, especially younger ones, may not have the vocabulary to describe their emotions. It’s important to help them build an emotional vocabulary so they can accurately express what they’re feeling. Start by teaching them basic emotion words like happy, sad, angry, and scared. As they grow older, you can introduce more complex emotions like frustrated, embarrassed, or overwhelmed.

You can reinforce this by regularly labelling your own emotions and describing how they make you feel physically or mentally. For instance, "I have a lot of work to do today, so I'm feeling a little anxious, but I'm going to take a break and try to calm down."To assist your child express their emotions and have a better understanding of their emotional states, encourage them to use these terms when they are excited or angry.

3.  Teach Deep Breathing Exercises

Deep breathing is one of the simplest and most effective ways to calm down when emotions run high—teaching children how to breathe deeply when upset helps them regain control over their emotions and reduces physical symptoms of stress, such as rapid heartbeat or shallow breathing. Start by guiding your child through a fun and easy breathing exercise, like the "breathe in, breathe out" technique. You can make it more engaging by turning it into a game or story. As an example, "Consider yourself a balloon." Inhale deeply to fill your balloon with air, then gradually exhale to allow the balloon to shrink.  Encourage your child to practice this regularly, especially during moments of stress or frustration.

4.  Use Time-Outs for Reflection, Not Punishment

Time-outs are often seen as a form of punishment, but when used constructively, they can help children regulate their emotions. Instead of using a time-out as a disciplinary tool, create a space where your child can go to calm down and reflect on their feelings. This should be a quiet, comfortable place where they can feel safe to process their emotions.

5.  Encourage Problem-Solving Skills

Part of emotional regulation is being able to identify solutions to problems that cause frustration or distress. Instead of immediately offering solutions to your child’s problems, encourage them to think of their solutions. This builds their problem-solving skills and helps them feel empowered. For example, if your child is upset because they can’t play with their toy, you can ask, “What can we do to fix this?” Urge them to consider alternatives and the potential repercussions of their choices. This not only helps them regulate their emotions but also teaches them resilience by showing that they can overcome challenges calmly and thoughtfully.

6.  Create a Routine

Children thrive on consistency, and a predictable routine can significantly enhance their emotional and physical health. When children know what to expect throughout the day, they feel more secure and better equipped to manage their emotions. A clear structure not only promotes stability but also supports their overall well-being, reducing the stress of uncertainty and fostering healthy emotional and physical development.

Establish consistent schedules for meals, play, homework, and bedtime. Additionally, establish predictable transitions between activities. This routine can help your child anticipate changes in their day and manage their emotional responses accordingly. For instance, a transition from playtime to dinnertime can be challenging, but a gentle reminder and a consistent routine can ease the shift and help your child adjust with less frustration.

7.  Practice Empathy and Active Listening

To help your child regulate their emotions, it’s important to teach them empathy—the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. When children feel heard and understood, they are more likely to regulate their emotions healthily. Giving your child your undivided attention, recognizing their emotions, and validating their experience are all components of active listening.

For example, if your child is upset about a disagreement with a friend, say something like, “It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated because your friend didn’t listen to you. It must have been difficult. Encourage them to communicate their emotions courteously and compassionately while also validating their sentiments and providing consolation.

8.  Seek Professional Support When Needed: TalktoAngel

While these strategies can be incredibly effective, there may be times when children require additional support to manage their emotions. If your child is struggling with intense emotional regulation issues, such as frequent temper tantrums, overwhelming anxiety, or anger, it might be helpful to seek professional assistance. Platforms, like TalktoAngel offer online counselling with licensed kids therapists who specialize in helping children and families, navigate emotional challenges.

TalktoAngel provides accessible, confidential, and personalized therapy that helps children learn essential emotional regulation skills in a safe and supportive environment. Their team of experienced online counsellors offers guidance on managing difficult emotions, improving communication, and strengthening coping mechanisms, all through virtual sessions that cater to the needs of children and parents alike. With TalktoAngel, families can receive the support they need to foster emotional growth and resilience in their children.

Conclusion

Teaching kids emotional regulation is an ongoing process that requires patience, consistency, and support. By modelling healthy emotional behaviours, using simple language to describe emotions, self-care, practising mindfulness techniques like deep breathing, and encouraging empathy and problem-solving, you can help children develop the tools they need to manage their emotions effectively. Remember, emotional regulation is a skill that takes time to develop, and the more you nurture it, the more resilient your child will become in the face of life’s challenges. If you feel your child could benefit from additional support, don’t hesitate to explore the services offered by TalktoAngel. With professional guidance, your child can learn to navigate their emotions with confidence and emotional resilience.

Contribution: Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Clinical Psychologist, life coach & mentor TalktoAngel & Ms. Drishti Gakhar, Counselling Psychologist.

References

• Gross, J. J. (2015). Emotion regulation: Conceptual and practical issues. In Handbook of emotions (pp. 408-417). Guilford Press.
• Mayer, J. D., & Salovey, P. (1997). Emotional intelligence and emotional development. In Emotional development and emotional intelligence: Educational implications (pp. 3-31). Basic Books.
• Parker, J. D. A., & Salovey, P. (1997). Emotional intelligence and social skills in coping with stress. In Handbook of coping: Theory, research, applications (pp. 101-121). Wiley.
• Zins, J. E., & Elias, M. J. (2007). Social and emotional learning: Promoting the development of all students. Journal of Educational and Psychological Consultation, 17(2-3), 233-255.