The Effect of Parental Depression on Child

May 24 2025 TalktoAngel 0 comments 176 Views

Not all storms are loud. Some are silent, hidden behind tired eyes and forced smiles—like the quiet ache of a parent battling depression.

When a parent is emotionally withdrawn, frequently overwhelmed, or visibly disengaged, children notice—even if no one talks about it. They might not understand why their parent is “always sad” or “always tired,” but they start shaping their world around that sadness. And that’s where the emotional imprint begins.

The Emotional Mirror: How Children Absorb Their Parents’ Pain

Children are sensitive emotional barometers. Even without words, they absorb the atmosphere at home. A mother’s constant fatigue or a father’s unexplained anger or silence doesn’t go unnoticed. Over time, children begin to:

Feel responsible for their parents’ mood
Withdraw or silence their feelings
Take on adult roles, becoming caretakers too early
Mimic the emotional patterns they see, thinking it’s normal

It’s not just about genetics. It’s about emotional modelling—how children learn to feel, relate, and cope by observing their parents.

What a Child Might Feel But Never Say

“Maybe I did something wrong.”
“It is possible that they will experience relief if I can induce laughter in them.”
“I shouldn't bring up my problems with them."
“Why don’t they talk to me anymore?”

When emotional warmth fades, children often blame themselves. They don’t have the maturity to understand depression as an illness, so they personalise the silence, the mood swings, the emotional distance.

Long-Term Effects on the Child’s Mental Health

Growing up with a parent battling depression can lead to:

Increased anger, anxiety, stress, or depression in adolescence
Low self-esteem or guilt
Difficulties in forming secure relationships
Academic decline or overachievement as a coping strategy
A strong need for external validation
Fear of emotional expression

Some children become overly independent, while others cling to affection. Many struggle to trust or express emotions, afraid of becoming “too much” for others, just as they feared they were “too much” for their parents.

The Hidden Strengths: Not Just a Story of Damage

But this isn’t just a story of damage—many children raised in such environments also grow up to be:

Deeply empathetic
Highly emotionally aware
Sensitive to the pain of others
Passionate about mental health awareness

However, that strength often comes at the cost of their healing, which they may postpone or suppress.

How Parents Can Support Their Children While Healing Themselves

If you're a parent struggling with depression, you are not failing. But silence can build walls. How to commence the process of bridging the difference is as follows:

Name the Experience

Even young children benefit from honest, age-appropriate conversations. Saying, “Mom is feeling low lately, but I’m getting help,” can lift confusion and guilt off a child’s shoulders.

Let Them Talk Without Fixing It

In many cases, children do not require advice; rather, they require attentive listening. Invite them in: “How are you feeling these days? I know it’s been a little tough here at home.”

Reassure Them It's Not Their Fault

This one cannot be said enough. Children often internalise adult emotional states.

Let Professional Support Be a Family Effort

Therapy isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a gift. Let your child know you’re getting help. Even better, include applied behaviour analysis, family systemic therapy, behavioural activation, and child counselling if needed. Let healing be a shared journey.

To the Child Growing Up in the Shadows of Depression

If you’re that child, grown up now or still growing, this is for you:

You were never too loud. Never too needy. Never too much.
You were simply a child, wanting love, warmth, and connection.
And it’s okay to want that still.
It’s okay to unlearn the silence.

Conclusion

Parental depression doesn’t make someone a bad parent. But unspoken pain can echo for generations if not acknowledged. Healing begins with honesty. And love doesn’t disappear in depression—it just gets quieter. Until someone dares to speak.

Contributed By: Contributed by Dr. (Prof.) R. K. Suri, Clinical Psychologist and Life Coach, &. Ms. Swati Yadav, Counselling Psychologist.

References

Trussell, T. M., Ward, W. L., & Conners Edge, N. A. (2018). The Impact of Maternal Depression on Children: A Call for Maternal Depression Screening. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 88(5), 508–516. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0009922818769450
Smith, M. (2023). Parental Depression: How it Affects a Child. Yale Medicine. https://www.yalemedicine.org/conditions/how-parental-depression-affects-child
National Institute of Mental Health. (2022). Depression in Parents, Parenting, and Children. NCBI Bookshelf. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK215128/
National Center for Biotechnology Information. (2021). The Impact of Parental Mental Health - Parents Under Pressure. NCBI Bookshelf. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK606663/