In recent years, the discourse around masculinity has evolved significantly. As society becomes more aware of the implications of traditional gender norms, the distinction between toxic masculinity and tonic masculinity has emerged as an important topic of conversation. Understanding these two concepts is essential for men and everyone striving for healthier relationships and a more equitable society.

Toxic Masculinity: The Dark Side of Tradition

A collection of cultural norms and behaviors that are typically associated with masculinity and have the potential to harm both individuals and society as a whole is referred to as toxic masculinity. It embodies traits such as aggression, emotional suppression, and dominance, leading to negative consequences for men, women, and non-binary individuals.

• Emotional Suppression:- One of the hallmarks of toxic masculinity is the societal expectation that men should suppress their emotions. Boys are frequently taught as children that expressing vulnerability is a sign of weakness. This conditioning can lead to significant mental health issues. Men may struggle with anxiety, depression, and feelings of isolation because they feel they cannot express their true emotions or seek help when they need it.

• Aggression and Violence:- Toxic masculinity often glorifies aggression and violence as acceptable expressions of manhood. Bullying, domestic abuse, and other acts of aggression are examples of how this viewpoint can appear, starting a vicious cycle of harm that impacts both individuals and communities. The pressure to assert dominance can lead some men to engage in harmful behaviors, impacting their relationships and overall well-being.

• Devaluation of Women and LGBTQ+ Individuals:- Another crucial aspect of toxic masculinity is its tendency to devalue women and individuals who identify as LGBTQ+. This perspective perpetuates misogyny, reinforcing the idea that men should dominate women and regard femininity as inferior. Such attitudes not only harm those targeted but also restrict men’s understanding of healthy, respectful relationships.

• Hyper-Competitiveness:- Toxic masculinity fosters an environment where men feel they must constantly compete with one another. This hyper-competitiveness can create stress and anxiety, leading to strained friendships and family problems. Men may feel pressured to prove their worth through material success or physical prowess, often at the expense of their emotional health.

Tonic Masculinity: A Positive Path Forward

In contrast, tonic masculinity offers a healthier and more constructive expression of masculinity. It emphasizes traits that promote emotional well-being, respect, and collaboration. By embracing tonic masculinity, men can foster better relationships with themselves and others.

• Emotional Intelligence:- Tonic masculinity encourages men to embrace emotional intelligence. This means recognizing and expressing their feelings openly and honestly. By doing so, men can build stronger, more authentic relationships with their partners, friends, and family members. Emotional awareness also leads to better mental health outcomes, as men learn that vulnerability is not a weakness but a strength.

•  Respect and Equality:-  A core tenet of tonic masculinity is the emphasis on respect and equality. Men are encouraged to treat everyone—regardless of gender or identity—with dignity. This perspective challenges the norms of toxic masculinity and promotes healthy interactions. It acknowledges the value of diverse experiences and perspectives, creating a more inclusive environment for everyone.

• Collaboration Over Competition:-Tonic masculinity shifts the focus from competition to collaboration. Instead of seeing one another as rivals, men are encouraged to support each other. This collaborative mindset fosters teamwork and community-building, helping to dismantle the barriers created by toxic masculinity. As men come together to uplift one another, they can create a more supportive and understanding social network.

• Embracing Vulnerability:- The embracing of vulnerability is arguably the most transformational feature of toxic masculinity. Tonic masculinity recognizes that asking for help and being open about one’s struggles are crucial steps toward healing and growth. By encouraging men to embrace vulnerability, we create space for more genuine connections and reduce the stigma surrounding mental health.

The Impact of Masculinity on Society

The implications of toxic versus tonic masculinity extend beyond individual experiences; they affect society as a whole. Toxic masculinity contributes to a culture of violence, inequality, and emotional repression. On the other hand, tonic masculinity fosters healthier relationships and promotes emotional well-being, benefiting everyone. As conversations around masculinity continue to evolve, it’s essential to encourage positive expressions of manhood. This shift requires a collective effort from all members of society—men, women, and non-binary individuals alike. 

Moving Towards a Healthier Future

To create a more equitable society, we must engage in open dialogues about masculinity and challenge harmful norms. Educating boys and men about the benefits of tonic masculinity can lead to healthier emotional landscapes and stronger relationships. This process includes promoting emotional literacy in schools, encouraging positive role models, and fostering environments where vulnerability is celebrated rather than shunned.

Conclusion

Understanding the distinction between toxic and tonic masculinity is crucial for fostering a culture that supports emotional health, respect, and equality. While toxic masculinity perpetuates harm and inequality, tonic masculinity offers a path toward healing and authentic connections. By promoting positive expressions of masculinity, we can help men navigate their societal roles in a way that is beneficial to themselves and everyone around them.

As we continue to engage in this important conversation, let’s work together to create a world where all individuals can thrive, free from the constraints of harmful stereotypes. For those navigating the emotional complexities associated with traditional gender roles, online counselling can provide a valuable space for reflection and growth. TalktoAngel offers online counselling services that connect individuals with licensed professionals, including the best psychologist in India, who can help men and boys develop healthier emotional landscapes and navigate the challenges that come with redefining masculinity.

By investing in mental health, fostering emotional intelligence, and embracing resilience, we can create a society that supports the well-being of all individuals, regardless of gender. Let’s work together to break down harmful stereotypes and build a future where emotional authenticity is celebrated and encouraged, helping everyone thrive.

Contribution: Dr (Prof) R K Suri, Clinical Psychologist, life coach & mentor TalktoAngel & Ms. Riya Rathi, Counselling Psychologist.

References

• Kilmartin, C. (2005). Depression in men: Communication, diagnosis and therapy. The Journal of Men's Health and Gender, 2(1), 32-38. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jmhg.2005.01.007

• Wong, Y. J., Ho, M. R., Wang, S. Y., & Miller, I. S. (2017). Masculinity and help-seeking: The role of gender role conflict. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 18(2), 103-110. https://doi.org/10.1037/men0000052