Why Emotional Repression in Men in a Relationship is Unhealthy

June 05 2025 TalktoAngel 0 comments 1247 Views

Phrases like “man up,” “don’t cry,” or “real men don’t show emotion” are repeated across cultures, generations, and communities. These beliefs don’t just fade away with time. Instead, they grow deeper, becoming internal rules many men unconsciously follow into adulthood—and into their most intimate relationships.

While staying emotionally guarded may appear to be a sign of resilience or strength, emotional repression can quietly create cracks in mental health, self-identity, and partnerships. Over time, it prevents men from fully connecting with themselves and with those who care about them.

What Is Emotional Repression?

Emotional repression is the habit of denying, ignoring, or avoiding the expression of one’s feelings. It's not always a conscious decision—many people don’t even realise they're doing it. Often, these emotions don’t disappear—they simmer under the surface until they show up in unexpected ways: irritability, detachment, or even physical symptoms.

In romantic relationships, emotional repression might manifest as:
Avoiding conversations that require emotional vulnerability
Shutting down or walking away during arguments
Struggling to express affection or articulate emotional needs

This pattern may seem protective at first, but over time, it limits intimacy and connection.

Why Do So Many Men Struggle with Emotional Expression?

For many men, emotional suppression isn’t a personality trait—it’s a learned survival mechanism rooted in culture, family, and upbringing. Boys often receive early messages such as:

“Big boys don’t cry”
“Be strong”
“Don’t be so sensitive”
“Stop acting like a girl”

As a result, boys learn to equate emotional restraint with maturity, control, or power.

In addition to social conditioning, other influences include:

Family environments where emotional conversations were absent or discouraged
Personal trauma or neglect, which teaches emotional withdrawal as a coping mechanism
Societal expectations that glorify self-reliance and emotional independence over openness and empathy

By adulthood, many men struggle not because they don’t want to express their emotions, but because they were never taught how to do it in a healthy, safe way.

The Ripple Effects of Emotional Repression in Relationships

Healthy boundary thrive on open communication, emotional availability, and mutual trust. When one partner, often the man, struggles to be emotionally open, it affects both individuals and the partnership as a whole.

Emotional Distance:- When someone holds back emotionally, it creates a disconnect. Love needs vulnerability to grow, and when that’s missing, the emotional foundation weakens.
Unresolved Conflict:- Every couple experiences disagreements, but healthy conflict allows for understanding and resolution. Emotionally repressed individuals tend to avoid or shut down during these moments, making it difficult to work through problems. This leads to a buildup of unresolved issues, simmering resentment, and emotional fatigue.
Partner Feels Unseen and Alone:- When a man doesn’t express what he’s feeling, his partner may feel like they’re carrying the emotional weight of the relationship alone. This can be deeply painful. The partner may think, “Does he care? Why won’t he open up? Am I the only one trying?”
Mental and Physical Health Issues:- Burying emotions doesn’t make them vanish. Suppressed feelings often build up internally, leading to anxiety, mood swings, depression, and even physical symptoms like digestive issues, chronic stress, or insomnia. According to psychological research (Gross & Levenson, 1997), emotional suppression is linked to long-term negative health outcomes.
Loss of Authentic Identity:- When men consistently ignore or deny their emotions, they lose touch with what they genuinely feel. This disconnect can lead to inner confusion, numbness, and low self-worth. Over time, it becomes difficult to even name what they need or want, resulting in a sense of emptiness or living life on autopilot.

How Therapy Can Support Emotional Reconnection

Therapy is a powerful space for men to rediscover their emotional voices. In a therapeutic setting, men can:

Learn to name and validate their emotions
Understand the roots of emotional repression
Practice new, healthier ways to communicate
Explore how their upbringing shaped their emotional habits

Build more meaningful and connected relationships

Approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), and Person-Centred Therapy are particularly helpful in guiding men toward emotional clarity and openness.

Creating Emotionally Safe Relationships

Emotional growth is a shared effort. Both partners play a vital role in building a safe and supportive environment where emotions can be expressed freely.

For Men:

Start small: Begin with simple statements like “I’m feeling tired today” or “Work has me stressed.” Small emotional disclosures build trust over time.
Challenge outdated beliefs: Remind yourself that vulnerability is not weakness—it’s strength.
Ask for support: You don’t have to go through emotional growth alone. A therapist, mentor, or support group can make a big difference.
Practice emotional honesty: Speak up when you feel hurt, confused, grateful, or afraid. These moments create real intimacy.

For Their Partners:

Practice patience: Understand that unlearning emotional habits can take time.
Avoid judgment: When your partner shares something vulnerable, listen with empathy, not criticism.
Don’t always fix—just listen: Sometimes the most supportive response is simply being present.
Celebrate progress: Acknowledge and appreciate small steps toward emotional openness.

Conclusion

Emotions are not weaknesses—they are human. Men, like everyone else, feel sadness, joy, fear, confusion, and love. Denying these emotions doesn’t protect a relationship—it isolates and limits it.

Emotional repression may seem like strength, but in the long run, it builds walls between partners and creates loneliness where closeness should exist. On the other hand, emotional honesty fosters deeper bonds, stronger trust, and more fulfilling love.

The journey to emotional openness doesn’t start with a grand revelation. It starts with a single moment of truth—a quiet “I’m not okay” or “I missed you.” Those moments, though small, carry the power to transform a relationship.

Contributed By: Dr. (Prof.) R. K. Suri, Clinical Psychologist and Life Coach, &. Ms. Sakshi Dhankhar, Counselling Psychologist.

References

Gross, J. J., & Levenson, R. W. (1997). Hiding feelings: The acute effects of inhibiting negative and positive emotions. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 106(1), 95–103. https://doi.org/10.1037/0021-843X.106.1.95
Mahalik, J. R., Burns, S. M., & Syzdek, M. (2007). Masculinity and perceived normative health behaviors as predictors of men's health behaviors. Social Science & Medicine, 64(11), 2201-2209. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.socscimed.2007.02.035
Levant, R. F., & Richmond, K. (2007). A review of research on masculinity ideologies using the Male Role Norms Inventory. The Journal of Men’s Studies, 15(2), 130–146. https://doi.org/10.3149/jms.1502.130